Girl Meets World - One-Shots
by yuniesan
Summary: Requested One-Shots/Random One-Shots If you want to request a story idea read the first entry. Couples RUCAS, SMARKLE, JOSHAYA
1. One-Shot Request Guidelines

I'm taking request for specific One-Shots that my readers would like me to do, they can take place during anytime within the shows run (Season 1-3), or ideas you would like for me to work on.

Alright I'm only doing this until April 18th, because that's the last day of Spring Break and I'm going to have to write my final semester papers afterwards... So I'm going to take request for One-Shots outside of my regular stories. The reason is that I don't want to tackle a big fic, like the other Rucas Adult AU story I'm currently plotting out until I finish the semester. Graduate school is no joke and I have this obsessive need to constantly get top marks.

Comment in my ask box on my Tumblr account [username - yuniesan] with your request, or send me a message here

 **Rules are as follows** \- Anything goes except for these 2 rules

1\. Main Ships will always be Rucas, Joshaya, and Smarkle (because these are my OTP's from the show), I'm not going to deviate from them. I do love the friendships of all of the characters but my OTP's remain the same.

2\. Nothing connected to my other fics, mainly because I do want to revisit them in the future and write extra chapters for them.

It can be either a re-imagining of an episode, it can be adult versions of the characters, it can be almost anything within reason. I won't write them unless I have a day off from school.

Basically give me a prompt, and I will try my best to make it happen!


	2. Purple Cats

**A/N** : This wasn't requested but I thought about writing it because it was cute, and of course I love a freaked out Cory Matthews **  
**

 **Purple Cats**

Lucas didn't remember where he got the idea, Riley had been painting purple cats for as long as he could remember, but as their relationship continued he would give her little gifts here and there. For anniversaries they always got each other homemade gifts, but whenever he saw a purple cat he always found a way for Riley to have it. Sometimes he took a picture and sent it to her, other times he brought them for her and left them around her room for her to find. It hadn't occurred to him to ask her what she did with them until he climbed through her bay window one day to see a small shine to a purple cat painting she had been working on.

"Riley what is that?" he asked when he saw the top of her dresser had been taken over.

She smiled at him and said, "My purple cat collection. I don't know how but they always show up at the most random times."

He knew that she was talking about him hiding them, but he didn't want to say anything, instead he walked over to her and sat next to her on her bed.

"Thank you for the cats," she said smiling up at him before kissing him on the cheek.

"No problem, you're worth a million purple cats."

"Please don't get me that many I wouldn't know what to do with them."

"I won't," he smiled. "By the way you're getting better at painting cats."

"Don't tell Maya," she said looking down at her hands. He knew that she was insecure about being good at anything that any of their friends had any talent in, she didn't want to feel like she couldn't get to their level. But lately he noticed that she was getting better and better at painting, especially her signature cats.

"I won't, but maybe one day, your cat might want a friend," he said pulling out his latest surprise. It was a blue puppy to match her purple cat collection.

"Oh my god Lucas," she said smiling at him. "He's so cute."

"Not as cute as you," he said pulling her close. "So Violet now has a friend, what should we name him?"

"Cobalt," she smiled at the little blue dog. "Cobalt would be a perfect name for him."

"Maybe one day you'll get good at drawing little blue dogs."

"I'll try to draw one next time in art class, along with a little purple cat, it will be my thank you gift to you."

"Thank you for what?"

"For being there whenever I needed you, for always surprising me when I least expect it, for being you."

"Then I should thank you every day because you make me a better person."

She smiled at him and snuggled in closer, "Why did you come over today? Was it because you found Cobalt?"

"No, I actually wanted to see you, I only found him on the way here and thought I should bring him along."

They looked into each other's eyes smiling, it was a perfect moment, and then the door opened.

"Riley time for dinner…" her father paused. "You."

"I'll see you later," Lucas said to Riley before running towards the window but he was tackled down by Mr. Matthews.

"No way Bucko," Mr. Matthews said holding him down.

"Daddy," Riley screamed as Lucas tried to pry himself away from his girlfriend's father. "We weren't doing anything."

"Then why were you looking into each other's eyes? Huh young lady, huh?"

"Mr. Matthews you know me, you like me remember," Lucas said trying to plea his case. Even after months of dating Riley and years of being in Mr. Matthews' history class the man still acted like Lucas was a threat.

Riley started crying on the corner of her bed, the minute she started Mr. Matthews let go of Lucas to go to his daughter. Lucas already knew that the crying was a ploy, Riley had perfected crying in an instant because she thought it would be a good way to help him. The moment he was free of her father she looked at Lucas and gave him a quick smile, which was the signal for him to climb out the window as fast as possible.

"See you later Riley," Lucas said as he rushed out of the bay window and down the fire escape, he couldn't help but smile as he walked home. He really loved his girlfriend.


	3. Sometimes We Fight

**Sometimes We Fight, but Our Love is Forever**

 _ **This was requested over on my WattPad, I tweaked it a bit, and I know Maya's not with Josh in it but it was requested.**_

 **Prompt** : _Okay, the stage is set, Riley and Lucas got married, twins, Violet and Cobalt, Lucas gets drunk and Riley hates it. Lucas says horrible things, gets kicked out, comes back in a week with Xavier( I thinks that's his name [NOT FARKLE]), Lucas is a mess, Maya basically almost kills Lucas, Riley stops her, the kids run in screaming daddy, Lucas begs for Riley's forgiveness, she forgives him but still feels awful, we find out why Lucas was drinking, if you want, Maya and Xavier can make out outside._

Lucas didn't understand how it happened, one minute he was fine, the next minute he wasn't, he was out drinking with his friend Xavier. They had gone to veterinary school together and outside of Farkle and Zay, he was one of his closest friends. Xavier knew the story of how Lucas met Riley, he knew about their long love but he couldn't understand it. Every time the two were together he questioned their relationship, because to Xavier a love like that didn't exist. Lucas knew better, he had seen it with the Matthews, and he had seen it with his own parents. It was possible to fall in love completely when you're young.

Although they were just talking with one another that night, after a long day at work, Xavier's words started to make Lucas question himself. He had heard the man say that it shouldn't work over and over again for months, that Lucas should have had a normal college life dating around. Lucas wondered if Riley was still the one for him. That night the more he heard his friend's words the more he drank thinking about what it would have been like if he hadn't married Riley when they were so young. They had kids and he loved them but the thought of him losing his youth made him bitter as the alcohol slid down his throat. He had had ten shots of tequila in a row on top of a couple of beers. He knew Riley hated when he drank because she felt like it changed who he was, but he didn't know who he was.

Riley was tucking in the twins, reading them their favorite book when she heard the door open and close down the hall. She kissed her kids, Violet who had her father's hair and her mother's eyes, and Colbie who had his grandfather's curly brown hair and Lucas's green eyes. The two were sound asleep in their beds, but as Lucas walked around she felt that if she didn't control him he would wake the two of them. Which would only agitate her since it was a difficult job to put them both to bed in the first place.

She quietly left the room, making sure that their little nightlight was on before going to the living room to see Lucas sitting on the couch mumbling to himself. She loved her husband to death but hated whenever he went out with Xavier, because the other man was single and constantly used Lucas as his wingman making him drink as much as possible without thinking of the consequence. Usually Riley helped him to bed making sure he had water and aspirin nearby, but today there was something different about him.

"Lucas," she said quietly as she walked towards him. "Lucas, honey do you need help getting to bed?"

"No," he said like a pouty little boy. "I want to know," he started as he hiccuped. "I want to know why we're together, relationships like ours aren't supposed to work, we shouldn't have been together as long as we have."

"Lucas you're drunk," she said sitting down next to him, the stench of alcohol radiating off of his body. "If you want to have this conversation you need to be sober."

She didn't know where this was coming from but she knew who to blame, normally they loved their happy little life. He worked as a Vet at the big animal hospital on 74th and she worked as a counselor at her old high school. They lived in her parents' old apartment, they moved in after Auggie had gone to California for college, her parents decided to go to London since her mother's job had offered her the job for a second time. The Café still belonged to the family, Auggie took over after he finished school, and he ran it with Ava.

"No Riley," he said after a moment. "I should have dated around, how was I supposed to know that we were supposed to be together, we were just kids when we met."

She felt tears sting her eyes but kept her composure, "Lucas no, you don't get to have this crisis right now, this is only because you went out with Xavier and he put those thoughts in your head. Now go take a cold shower and go to bed."

"No," he said standing up. "I should be allowed to do what I want."

"Then you can do it at Xavier's house because I won't have you waking up the twins because you're drunk and think that our relationship isn't worth everything we've been through," she said trying not to cry. "We've worked so hard for so long, why are you becoming so insecure about our relationship now."

"Because I don't deserve you Riley, I'm not good enough for you, sometimes I think there's a darkness inside of me and it just wants to come out," he said looking at her. "I'm going to go sleepover at Xavier's," he said sadly as he walked out the door, slamming it on his way out.

Riley knew what darkness he was talking about, and the moment the door closed she let her own insecurities take over as she broke down on the floor crying. When they were in college Lucas had started feeling restless, they were in different schools, he went to Texas while she stayed in New York. They worked hard to keep their relationship together, but without her around he slipped back into his Texas side. She was his anchor, she kept him sane but when she wasn't nearby he sometimes slipped. It wasn't until she had gotten a call from Zay about Lucas being in the hospital because he had gotten into a fight at a bar that she dropped out of school to help him out.

Lucas had felt guilty for weeks as he recovered, constantly telling her he was sorry for all of the pain he had caused her. Urging her to go back to school and forget about him, but she didn't leave his side, she helped him and made sure he was going to be alright. When the new semester had started she had enrolled in a school in Texas and finished her degree next to Lucas. She knew that's one of the reasons why he thought that he didn't deserve her, but she knew that it was a moment that had defined their relationship, like so many others before. She didn't need the big fancy school in New York, she didn't need to cry every time they left each other at the airport. She hadn't told him at the time but she had been failing out of school, he knew now but at that time he didn't. She couldn't handle the pressure, especially since she had been following her parents' dreams instead of her own. Trying to be at the top of the class was slowly crushing her spirit, and she had used Lucas as an excuse to get out of what she had put herself in. Somehow at that moment they needed each other, because without the other life was crushing their spirit.

* * *

Lucas woke up to the bright sun hitting his face, and the memory of telling Riley that he didn't deserve her, and telling her that he should have dated other people. He knew it hadn't been a dream, especially since he was on a couch in a room he was rarely inside of.

"I feel like an ass," he said to himself. He deserved the headache he had, he knew it, he also knew that he needed to apologize to Riley. He thought for a moment and realized that he might never go out with his friend Xavier again if it meant that his insecurities about his relationship with his wife would be in jeopardy.

"Hey man," Xavier said as he walked into the living room. "Sorry you had a fight with the misses."

"It was your fault," Lucas said to the man. "You put all of those thoughts in my head and of course you also kept handing me shot after shot."

"Who cares," Xavier said. "I hooked up with a hottie last night."

"I care, I love my wife and I would give my life for her," he said feeling like his heart was breaking. "I'm going to take a shower and go to work, and think about how I'm going to fix this little screw up."

"Dude, you're only twenty-eight, you should be living not, and not be tied down with a family."

"No, I picked her because this is what I wanted, she's my everything and last night I made her cry, and I swore that I wouldn't do that again, she's shed too many tears over the years for stupid things that we both did. I don't want her sad."

"Whatever," the man said making Lucas' blood boil.

"You may say that now but when you find that person, the one you want in your life no matter what you're going to be sorry because you're going to realize how much of an ass you are, especially if you keep this mentality going. You'll lose them and regret it for the rest of your life."

Lucas walked out of the room and took a quick shower before leaving, he didn't want to run the risk of running into whoever had been with Xavier the night before. When he got to work he changed into his scrubs and took out the toothbrush he kept there for when he had to stay overnight with one of the animals. He thought about how he was going to make it up to Riley, they hadn't had a real big fight in a long time, mostly they fought about how Lucas let the kids stay up an extra twenty minutes, or if he left his shoes on the floor by the front door. They were silly little fights but he loved them because of that same reason.

The last fight they had was when they were in college after he had gotten into a fight at a bar. He had felt guilty because she had dropped out of school, but they worked through it and she got her degree at the same time he did. He worked throughout the day trying to figure out the best way to apologize, and knew that the best way to get through it was just to be up front with her.

* * *

Riley took the twins to daycare, and decided on taking the day off to think, she knew that she had to talk to Lucas about what had happened the night before but she didn't want to do it with the kids around. She had asked her brother to take them for the afternoon, and he agreed because he and Ava were thinking have having a kid soon so they wanted to see what it would be like. It helped that the twins loved their Uncle and Aunt.

"Why did you have to call me over here today," Maya said as she walked in through the door. "I was with a really cute guy and we were going to spend the morning doing all kinds of things."

Riley couldn't help but be amazed by her best friend. She had decided a long time ago just to live her life, she worked at the Met, and painted whenever she wanted to. Her relationship with Josh never happened, somehow for Maya the long game took too long and she just wanted to live a little.

"I don't want to hear about your sex life, I need help," Riley said putting a cup of coffee in front of her. "Lucas and I had a fight last night, and mostly it happened because his friend got him drunk while playing on a million insecurities about our relationship."

"So what do you need me for?"

"I want to surprise Lucas, with a little…um…"

"You wanna surprise Ranger Rick with sex," Maya smiled. "What did he do anyway?"

"He said that he didn't deserve me and that we shouldn't have been together for as long as we have been, because it's not normal."

"I'll kill the cowboy," Maya said getting up.

"Sit down, I know he's not like this, he doesn't like to drink because it brings out a different side of him, he's usually just sad but yesterday he was just… I don't know."

"He love you, you know that right? He wouldn't have done half of what he did otherwise, I mean who gets a white horse in middle school just to ride off with you, who would put a jellybean in a ring box just to tell you how he feels, and don't get me started on that proposal, how that guy managed to find that many daisies and fly down your entire family to Texas just to propose to you with their permission I would never understand."

"It was romantic, I loved everything we've ever done, he still makes me giddy, but I just want to do this for him to show him why we belong together."

"Fine, first stop is Victoria Secret, because as much as I love you Riles, you don't know how to buy lingerie. I'm amazed your underwear matches."

"Well when you have two kids running around you'd be lucky to make sure anything matches, hell you'd be lucky if your clothes aren't covered in something weird by the end of the day."

* * *

Lucas stopped by the flower shop in Grand Central on his way home, he wanted to get Riley some flowers to apologize along with her favorite chocolates. As he was walking to the shuttle train he noticed a toy shop and decided on getting something for the kids too, that's when he saw it, a little stuffed purple cat, it reminded him of all of the purple cats Riley drew over the years. She only took art so that she could be with Maya, even though she couldn't draw very well, all she drew were purple cats. It made him smile, all of the silly things they had done growing up, he wouldn't trade them for the world.

As he took the shuttle and transferred to the one train he smiled, he had gotten stuffed bears that reminded him of Riley's lost bear Beary the Bear Bear, one was dark brown for Violet, and one was black for Colbie. The purple cat was in the same bag as the flowers and chocolate, he wanted to give Riley something that reminded him about how she used to be, because he fell in love with that girl, but he also wanted to let her know that he loved the woman she had become.

The train stopped at his station, the same place they had met for their first date, where they had shared their first kiss. He felt like crying, he didn't want to lose her, if he did it would break his heart.

"Lucas," someone said, as he turned around he saw Xavier standing on the platform. "This is a surprise."

Lucas didn't want to talk to the man he just wanted to go home to his family. "Yeah it is, why are you around here? Don't you live two stops down?"

"Yeah but I have a date," Xavier said looking at the ground. "Um… I just wanted to say I'm sorry, I thought about what you said this morning and I think I was just jealous."

"Why would you be jealous?"

"I've known you and Riley for a couple of years and I see the way you look at each other and realized that I might never get that, in the end I think I kept taking my frustrations out on you."

Lucas sighed, he understood where his friend was coming from, there were times when he was jealous of the friendship Riley had with Maya and even Farkle. He had been the outsider who came in, but after a while he realized that his friends made him better and he was glad to have them.

"It's okay, and maybe one day you will get that," he said smiling. "I got lucky, I met Riley in middle school. Some people have to keep looking for years while I got my chance so soon."

"Well I'm going to look," Xavier said. "I have a date with the girl from last night, I mean it's a little backwards but she's really cool."

"Maybe you'll get that chance, listen I have to go but if you and that girl work out maybe you can have dinner with me and Riley."

"That would be great, and tell Riley that I'm sorry about what happened."

"I will, she would forgive you regardless, she has a way of looking for the best in everyone."

The two went off in different directions, Lucas walked home looking at the neighborhood that had become home over the years. He had always thought he would have ended up back in Texas only to find himself missing New York when he actually went back. Now he lived in the apartment he had spent so many years climbing through a window just to see the girl of his dreams. They kept Riley's old bedroom as their own, the twins taking her parents' room because it was bigger, but he knew she didn't want to give up the bay window and he was happy to stay there as well.

As he opened the door Maya came out and pulled him out into the far end of the hallway, "Listen here Ranger Rick."

"The nickname never dies I swear," he said but she only glared at him.

"Don't hurt my best friend again, I warned you once that if you did anything bad to her I would cut off your legs and feed them to you."

"Maya, I'm sorry," he said. "I know I did her wrong but I want to make it up to her."

"She knows, and so do I, but I don't like to see her sad."

"Neither do I."

"Go inside she made dinner, I'll be back in a minute I have to go pick up my date, he got lost trying to get here."

"Alright, and Maya," he said as she started to walk away. "Thanks."

"Just remember," she said.

"Yeah, cut off legs and eat them, I get it."

He walked into his apartment and saw Riley standing in front of the stove cooking dinner, he smiled at the way she danced around the kitchen making the food but only noticed the two plates on the table.

"Where are the kids?" he said starling her.

"Lucas," she screamed dropping the spoon she had in her hand. "You scared me."

"Sorry," he said putting the bags down on the table and walking up to her. "For everything."

"I know, don't you know you and me are the same, we will do something or say something that we don't mean and regret it the moment it comes out of our mouths."

"Yeah but I shouldn't have let Xavier's words get to me, but he kept handing me drinks and you know my limit is five, but he kept pushing last night."

"Did he ever tell you why?"

"He did, a few minutes ago, he said he was jealous… of us, because of how we are."

"Well I hope he finds someone that will make him happy one day," she said smiling. "Now what do you have there?"

"Well I got Violet and Colbie some bears, like Beary, they squeak like him too, where are they?"

"Auggie took them for the night so we could talk," she said to him.

"Oh, well we'll surprise them with the bears tomorrow when they come home," he said picking up the other bag. "This is for you."

"Lucas you didn't have to get me anything," she said her eyes filled with unshed tears. "All I need is you."

"Yeah but sometimes, especially if I act like a jerk, I need to find a way to say I'm sorry, and so I got you the things that remind me the most of the person I fell in love with," he said slowly pulling out the flowers, the chocolates, and the stuffed purple cat. "I fell in love with this adorable wonderful person, who likes the quirkiest things, but will always make me smile just by being herself."

Riley started crying before she launched herself into his arms, "I fell in love with a cowboy, who is strong, and smart and will fight for his friends, he also has the dumbest British accent but I love it too."

As the two of them were about to kiss there was a thump on the door, Lucas automatically thought it was Maya but she never knocked she always barged in so he walked over to see who it was. When he opened the door his jaw dropped as he saw Maya making out with Xavier, he remembered that the girl Xavier had been hitting on all night had been blonde but he didn't care at all about who it was. He was too busy sulking to notice, now the two were in front of him and he couldn't help but remember that she had also been the girl in Xavier's bed that morning.

Riley came over to see what was happening only to stop as she watched her best friend suck face with Xavier, "Get a room," she said before closing the door. "Forget about them, let's just eat dinner and enjoy our night, since we don't have the kids."

"Seriously, that was not what I expected," Lucas said after a moment.

"Maya told me she had a date but she didn't give me the guy's name," she said as she served their dinner.

"Xavier told me that he was going to look at his dates with the intent to get married one day, could he be getting there with Maya?"

"Well it's about time for the both of them, but I just realized that we never introduced them."

"I met him after we got married so he wasn't at the wedding, and whenever we all hung out Maya was at work, so maybe it wasn't meant to be during those times."

"Who knows they might get a little happiness," she said all of a sudden losing her appetite. "How about we eat later, and do the fun stuff now."

Lucas smiled, he had been hungry but at that moment he was hungry for his wife, "Let's go," he said picking her up over his shoulder, he made sure the stove was off before walking away and dropping her on their bed. The two of them spend the rest of the night in each other's arms, not wanting to let go. They eat in bed and talk, not wanting to be apart from one another. When they fall asleep Lucas' arms hold onto Riley as if she was the one thing that kept him alive, and for the most part to him she was one of the reasons he kept moving forward every day.

* * *

It was mid-morning when they woke up, Riley took a shower and cleaned up the bed as Lucas, took the plates to the kitchen and washed the dishes. The door opened an hour later as two bouncing children came inside, her brother not far behind.

"Daddy," Violet said as she launched herself into her father's arms. Colbie climbed onto the arm rest and jumped on top of them.

"How are my two little rugrats?" Lucas said kissing his kids.

"They're just fine," Auggie said as she stood in the door. "Ava said to make sure to tell you thanks, and that she wants only one kid because two of them is too much to handle at once."

Riley laughed at her brother's words. "I didn't control how it happened, it just did," she said still laughing. "And no matter what I know you two would be great parents."

"I hope so," he said before kissing his sister and walking away.

"Okay, who's ready for lunch?" Lucas said picking up both kids with his arms.

"Grilled cheese," Colbie said giggling.

"I want peanut butter and banana," Violet squealed.

"Alright, I start on the sandwiches," Riley said before kissing her husband. "Daddy has a surprise for you."

Riley watched as Lucas gave them each their bear, both kids hugged the bear as it made the little squeaky noise, which made her smile as she remembered her long lost bear. In the end Lucas had become her new bear, and she didn't want to let him go, and she knew that for Lucas she was his angel, the one who kept him grounded.

"You're the most perfect wife ever," Lucas said as he walked over to her and kissed her again.

"And you're the most perfect husband, and remember lets always talk because when we don't these fights happen."

"I will," he said before walking up to the kids and launching them up in the air one at a time. They weren't really perfect, she knew that but she also knew that he made her life better with every passing day.


	4. Permission from you

_**A/N: This was a prompt from the Joshaya Fan that had commented on the first post. I hope you like it as much I as liked writing it. I put in hints from throughout the story from the shows' run, since it's completely from Josh's point of view, I wanted to write what he was feeling.**_

* * *

 **Permission from you**

For Joshua Matthews, everything is life has been easy, he has a great family who supports him in every endeavor, his education is top notch, and the woman he loves is the most perfect person for him. Yet she was one of that hardest parts of his life because if he messed up with her, his niece would be heartbroken. The person he loves the most is also his niece's childhood friend, they grew up together they did everything as sisters even though they hadn't shared an ounce of blood. Josh had grown up around Riley, and when Maya came along he had grown up with her too. They were two pairs of a whole piece, and of course when he told Maya that he would play the long game he had already known that she was the person he wanted to share his life with.

But like everything else in life, waiting hadn't been easy. He loved her, he knew it the moment his eyes met hers at his brother and sister-in-law's Christmas party when he was sixteen. They hadn't seen each other in so long but the moment she called him Boing he couldn't help but laugh. So he found excuses to visit his family, just so he could see her even though the three-year age difference was there. When he was accepted into the NYU summer program he had decided to try and move forward with his life, at least for a little while but in one moment everything Maya had told him before had clicked in his mind. So of course when she sat down next to him he tried to hold back the giddy feeling in his heart. The feeling that told him that she was the one.

Then Texas happened, and his heart broke, he couldn't figure out how she had gone from liking him and him alone to liking the one person his niece had liked since the moment they had laid eyes on one another. He couldn't go back to New York, he just couldn't face the fact that she had stopped liking him. It hurt to just think about it, he had wanted to ask her to prom, he had wanted to tell her the truth but in the end he couldn't. His heart broke just like his niece's heart had broken. For a while he didn't call his brother, he didn't send his niece messages, he just existed in limbo at home with his parents.

So when he moved to New York after graduation to go to NYU he decided to work hard and forget about the feelings he had had for the blonde haired blue eyed beauty, but she haunted his dreams. He had taken the subway one day and saw her on the train with his niece, the two of them dressed in similar outfits, her smile hers while at the same time it felt as though the spark was missing. Instead of saying something he stood in the crowd and watched her, he felt like a stalker but he hadn't wanted to say a word. His heart beat in his chest like a jackhammer as he saw her face, it was at that moment he realized that he couldn't stay away any longer.

He called his brother and sister-in-law for the first time in months, they talked and he asked if there was anything they needed help with. His answer to everything was in his brother and sister-in-law's hands, a trip to the Mount Sun Lodge, the same place his relationship with his wife was tested so many years before. Josh knew at that moment that this was the place that would make or break his relationship with her, and he took the chance without a second thought. He wanted forever, he wanted the kind of love his brother had, the same kinds of love he had watched in his parents' eyes all of his life. Love everlasting.

It was a test, for his heart, his mind, his everything, he remembered taking a deep breath before walking into the classroom that day and saw her face. Her hair in braids and a smile on her face as she giggled, he realized that the spark that was missing when he had seen her a few weeks before had returned. His heart flared with hope, but that hope was short lived, he hadn't known before that she was in a love triangle with the one person that was the most important to her, his niece Riley. He didn't know her feelings for the cowboy, he didn't know if he still stood a chance, especially as he heard the three of them interact. Yet he started to notice the little things, how she wasn't really into the triangle, almost as if she were a player in a weird game and everything led to his niece.

He listened as they told stories of how their lives would be with the cowboy, that's when he started to notice something, in each story her character was naturally attracted to his. Even when his character threw the age difference between them, she pushed harder. He realized that even though she acted like she had feelings for the other boy, her real feelings, her heart were still tied to his. So of course when she began to notice as well and pulled him aside, he listened to her tell him her real feelings. He felt as if he were on cloud nine but he kept his face from showing anything, he told her that he didn't understand, because in the end he did. So they decided to play the long game, to live their lives until the time was right.

That time came nearly five years afterwards, after he had graduated school and started working full-time while he took classes at night for his master's degree. She had walked into Topanga's covered in snow, she was alone talking to her mother smiling, his heartbeat sped up as he walked up to her and smiled. He had asked her out, and for a moment thought that she would reject him but she smiled and said yes.

Over the course of their relationship, they smiled and had fun, they fought about stupid things, they went to museums and walked through the Catskills, they camped and they went on vacations where ever they could afford. So as he went out and thought about buy a ring, he wanted the opinion of one person, his niece, her best friend. Before he moved forward he asked her mother and adoptive father for their hand in marriage, he made sure they kept it secret because he was still looking for the perfect ring. He talked to his brother and sister-in-law, and asked for their permission as well. He talked to Farkle, who always claimed he was her first husband, and even asked Lucas for advice because he had proposed to Riley over Christmas.

Now he sat in his car with his niece, all those days, month and years behind him, as he drove them towards an antique jewelry store.

"Where are we going?" she asked as they drove.

He smiled not being able to keep his excitement at bay anymore. "I wanted to talk to you about something," he started as he parked the car near the store. "I've already talked to everyone, but you're the one person I'm nervous about talking to because she's your best friend."

"Don't tell me you want to propose?" she said looking at him. Her eyes shined with the thought of him marrying her best friend.

"Yes I do, I need your help picking the ring, especially since you know Maya's ring size," he said smiling.

"Oh my god," she squealed, bouncing up and down. "Can we have a double wedding?"

He let out a laugh knowing it had been pointless to be so nervous asking for permission from his niece because he knew she would be happy about it regardless of anything.

"The wedding thing, you have to talk to Maya about when I ask."

"How do you want to ask?"

"I wanted to wait until it snowed, and there's a storm coming this weekend so it would be the best time."

"Why then?" she asked him looking confused.

He smiled remembering the day he had asked her out, "The day I asked Maya out, for our first date, I was at Topanga's, she walked in covered in snow, so I wanted the moment I proposed to her to be on a day when it snows outside, while we're inside of Topanga's."

"Aww, that's so cute," she said smiling at him. "I'm pretty sure she's going to love it.

"I hope so, she's not much for the sentimental stuff," he said remembering the last time he tried to do something to surprise her.

"She's lying, when I changed the bay window in eighth grade she was the first one to freak out, trust me, she'll love it."

"Okay," he said. "Come on help me pick out a ring."

The two of them stared at the rings on by one for an hour before he saw a diamond ring, with two blue stones that reminded him of her eyes when she stood in the sun. He showed it to Riley and she smiled at him giving her approval, the band was white gold and simple, the diamond was a princess cut. The whole ring was perfect, just like Maya, and he couldn't wait to give it to her.

"Thank you," he said as they walked out of the store. "For everything, if it weren't for you I would have never met her, you've given me everything. I could never repay you for this."

"Just give me your first born," Riley said as serious as she could, before she burst out laughing. "Just make her happy Josh, that's all I need, that's all she needs. Be there for her, through thick and thin, because she needs you as much as you need her."

"I said something similar to Lucas, when he proposed to you," he said smiling.

"Yeah I know, he told me, we talk about everything," she said.

It was then that he remembered something from long ago, that communication was the key to every relationship, his niece had kept that lesson in her heart, and somehow he had too, because he could talk to Maya about the most random things. Even when they weren't saying anything he could automatically figure out what she wanted. _I guess that's what love is all about_. He thought as they drove back to the city.

When the snow arrived later on that week he had his moment, with Maya. Her friends and family cheering them on as she said yes, her eyes shining with the hope of their future.

"I guess hope isn't for suckers," she said to him.

"You're my hope," was his answer. "You're my everything."


	5. Riley's Fangirl Secret

**_A/N: okay so one of my favorite books of all time is Rainbow Rowell's Fangirl, so of course I thought it would be funny to do a version of it with Riley and Lucas. Another part of this is my utter love of both Captain America and Iron Man._**

 ** _Secondly - Those of you asking for Joshaya or Smarkle, is there a specific prompt that you are looking for?_**

 **Riley's Fangirl Secret**

Lucas climbed in through the bay window in hopes of surprising his girlfriend, he wanted to take her out to the park, even thinking of bringing her younger brother Auggie and his girlfriend Available so they could make an afternoon of running around Central Park. But when he looked around Riley was nowhere to be found, he didn't want to walk to the living room in fear of running into her father and being chased out before he asked to take her out. So he decided to climb back down to the street and ringing the doorbell, but as he turned to climb out the bay window he noticed a red leather bound journal sitting on her bed.

 _I really shouldn't look_ , he thought to himself, but the journal laid on the bed opened and he had always wondered if Riley ever wrote about him in a diary. Curiosity won out as he found himself standing in front of her bed staring at the parchment paper, Riley's handwriting staring back at him.

 _Just a quick peek_ , he thought as he slowly lifted the journal. He had hoped he would find something about their relationship or if she love loved him. Instead he was shocked to find something entirely different.

"Tony," Steve said as the man who had been his friend for years stepped close. "I don't think we should do this."

"Why not?" Tony said as he slowly pushed him against the wall and slowly kissed his neck.

"I'm not that kind of man," he said as his friend slowly nibbled on the tip of his earlobe.

Tony let out a slight laugh before pulling away from his neck and…

"Lucas," Riley squealed from the door. "You're not supposed to be reading that," she rushed towards the Texan but he keeps the book away from her hands. "Give it back."

She jumps onto her bed and lunges herself onto his back, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he maneuvers himself so she can't grab the book.

"Come on Lucas that's private," she said.

Lucas couldn't help but smile. "Riles its kinds deviant isn't it?"

She jumps off of him and walks over to the bay window and sits down in defeat. "I like writing it," she whispered as her face turned red.

"You, innocent Riley Matthews, likes to write slash fiction, about Captain America and Iron Man," he said trying to process why she would like to write it before a thought came to his mind. "Do you write anything about me or any of our guy friends?"

"No mostly Tony and Steve, sometimes Harry and Draco from Harry Potter," she said as her face turned into a tomato.

Lucas sat down next to her and handed her the notebook, "Don't you ever write about us?"

"Only in my diary but it's not as graphic, because I have the real thing to look at every day."

Lucas could feel his face heat up as she confessed this to him, he started thinking about whether or not she thought about him sexually, but the thought died in his mind because he didn't want to know, not when he knew her parents would overhear their conversation.

"Why are you here anyway?" she asked as he realized that his original plan wasn't going to work, not while his mind was flooded with the thought of his girlfriend's writing sexual things between two guys.

"I wanted to take you to the park, but maybe we should just go to Topanga's and talk about this," he said pointing at the notebook.

"Why are you interested?"

"I just want you to explain it to me, I want to have a better understanding about why you write this. And maybe I can convince you to write one for me, about us."

She nodded, "Let's go to the café, if it would reassure you that I'm only doing this for fun and not something weird."

He watched as she grabbed her shoes and her phone, she dropped everything she needed in her purse and followed him out the door. She told her mother that she was going out with Lucas and that she would be back before curfew. The walk there the two stayed quiet, Lucas held onto her hand smiling because he still couldn't believe that this girl was with him. She knew he had a darker side, but now he knew that she had a secret as well. The two of them took a seat in the farthest corner of the café, not wanting to be interrupted by their friends. He got them smoothies and pastries as she looked at her hands, she was nervous and he knew it. When he returned to the table he sat across from her and placed her drink in front of her.

"So," he started as he watched her take a long sip of her drink.

"Well it started right after Civil War came out," she said looking at her hands. "I hated that they were fighting, I always kinda thought that maybe if this were a different world they would just figure out that they liked each other. I mean Tony was so heartbroken that their friendship was falling apart all because of Steve's allegiance to Bucky, because they grew up together."

"So you created a world where they literally kissed and made up," Lucas couldn't help but laugh as he thought about it.

"Well yeah," she said blushing. "They make a good pair, you can obviously tell that there's something there in the movies."

Lucas started laughing at the thought that she had literally created a world where these two were in love with one another. He thought that it was a very Riley thing to do, she always wanted everyone happy. In this way she had created that world on her own.

"Would you let me read it?" he said. "It doesn't have to be today, but one day."

"Well, you can kind of read it already," she said trying not to look him in the eye. "I kind of… sort of post it on Tumblr."

"You post this online? Where people can read it?"

She nodded at him. "I've actually have a following because of it."

His girlfriend had another side of herself that no one knew about, except for him. "Send me a link later, and I'll read it."

"Really," she said smiling at him. He nodded and she squealed. "Don't tell anyone please, I don't want them making fun of me."

"I won't as long as you write one about the two of us," he said blushing.

"Well, I use my feelings for you as the basis for what I write… because it's more realistic that way."

"Is this stuff you want to do with me? Like… um sex…"

"One day, I'm not ready for that step just yet, but some of the other stuff, like making out and you kissing my neck would be okay for now."

The two teens stopped talking to one another, Lucas couldn't wrap his mind around what she had just said. He thought she was adorable in every way, he had hopes for their future and he knew she was too. But he knew she was right that they couldn't take that step just yet, maybe one day when they were in college.

"So you want me to kiss your neck," he said after a minute had passed. "Would you kiss mine in return?"

"Maybe," she whispered. He was thinking about getting up and sitting next to her but he heard Zay yell out his name, breaking him out of a Riley induced trance. The couple straightened up and automatically looked over as their friends slowly walked over. Lucas wanted to curse them, and throw them out of the café for interrupting his time with Riley, especially since he wanted to kiss her, but instead he straightened himself out and pulled Riley towards their usual spot with their friends.

Later that night Riley had posted her story, and sent the link to Lucas, he had noticed that she had written a little dedication at the top. For my maddog cowboy, from your princess dancing sunshine. Lucas didn't know what to think as he read what Riley wrote, but he knew she had talent as a writer. He thought about how she wrote these with him in mind and as weird as it was to read his girlfriend's fanfiction, he thought she was good at writing the characters. He paused when it reached a steamy scene and couldn't help but blush, because it was her way of telling him what she wanted to do with him.


	6. Sweet Goodbyes, Sweeter Hellos

**A/N: This was from a request from my Tumblr account.**

 **P.S. I am working on one for Joshaya and Smarkle, (Smarkle is harder because finding the right thing to write about is a little hard)**

* * *

 **Sweet Goodbyes, Sweeter Hellos**

The first time they said it, they had done it just to annoy her father who had kicked Lucas out just for climbing through the bay window and not coming through the front door.

"Out," her father screamed. "You know the rules, you're banned from my house for the rest of the weekend."

"Daddy you're being unfair," Riley said trying to stop him from kicking her boyfriend out of the house. "Maya and Zay both came from the bay window and they're staying."

"No Riley," Lucas said taking her hand. "I'll go I did break the rules."

All she could do was sigh, but they made up a code for when things like this happened, well it wasn't so much of a code as it was something she knew would get under her father's skin. So she walked Lucas to the door while her father smirked, because he was getting his way. At the door she gave Lucas a quick kiss and smiled at him.

"Goodbye, love of my life," she said as dramatically as she could, remembering that time they had played Romeo and Juliet in middle school.

"Goodbye, my lovely wife," he said as he walked away smiling at her.

Zay spit out his drink, Maya was laughing and of course her father was at the kitchen table faking a heart attack. Riley didn't care what they were doing, mainly because her heart was pounding. It had only been a secret way they had decided to annoy her father, but it gave her the biggest feeling of love from her boyfriend.

The second time it happened, was completely unexpected, she was being held back by her father after school and Lucas had to go to practice. Her father was smiling at the fact that they couldn't hang out together, but on days like this Lucas always snuck up to the bay window and sat outside while she was inside.

"Goodbye, love of my life," she said smiling at him.

"Goodbye, my lovely wife," he said back only to bend down and kiss her on the lips.

Her father dragged her away the moment their lips met and told her that she had to babysit her brother that night, and that boys weren't allowed.

"But Auggie's a boy, so does that mean he's not allowed?" was her reply.

She had become good at sarcasm and jokes when it came to her father, only because he had been so overprotective of her especially since she started dating Lucas.

"Riley, this isn't the time for jokes," he said to her huffing life he was trying to have the last word, and she let him as she walked away to pick up her brother from school.

Over the years, their goodbyes had become their signature, and it eventually turned into their greeting whenever they saw each other. Their friends gagged each time they did it, and her father faked a heart attack each time, but it made her feel special and nothing they could do or say would change that warm feeling she got whenever he said those words.

"Hello, love of my life," Riley said a week before graduation. She was happier than ever, yes they had their fights and somedays it they had gotten into heated arguments that made her want to cry. They had their ups and downs throughout high school and with the threat of having to go to university without each other scared her. But she had a plan.

"Hello, my lovely wife," he said kissing her, she knew that when he held her close he was trying to memorize the feel of her, the smell of her, and the look of her eyes when they met his. He had confessed that this was his favorite part of the day, whether they were greeting each other or saying goodbye.

"God you two have been married since middle school," Zay said rolling his eyes.

"Lucas let go of your wifey," Maya said pulling Riley from his embrace. "We need to go pick up our cap and gowns and it won't happen if you keep distracting her."

"Geez tell me about it," Zay said rolling his eyes.

The couple walked through the halls hand in hand smiling while their friends gagged behind them.

When August came, Lucas had to leave for Texas A&M so that he could start the fall semester, Riley faked cried at the airport. She hadn't told anyone, but she had accepted a scholarship into Texas A&M, because she couldn't really go four years without seeing Lucas. She loved her family, and she loved her friends but Lucas really was the love of her life. The only person who knew about the move was her mother, because she knew how her father would react. He father thought that she was going to NYU, and so did the rest of their friends, but she had lied for months and planned. She worked at her mother's café saving up as much as she could from her wages, and from tips. She applied for every scholarship she could, and had gotten an apartment off campus instead of a dorm so that she could work part-time. Her mother gave her an account with all the money they had saved up for her to go to school and she was grateful.

Riley knocked on Lucas' dorm room the next day, smiling as he opened the door surprised. "Hello, love of my life," she said.

"Riley," he said surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"No hello, my lovely wife?" she asked confused, but was greeted by his lips slamming into hers.

"Hello, my lovely wife," he said when he pulled away.

"Yay," she said smiling at him. "And I'm going to this school, that's why I'm here."

"Really?" he said surprised. "What about NYU?"

"You weren't going to be there," she said hugging him close to her. "Home is where you are."

They spend the next four years living in happy bliss, they still fought, and people tried to get in between them but each time they said hello and goodbye, her heart would skip a beat and make her smile. She always felt like she did in High School the day he first called her his wife, like her heart was trying to jump out of her chest.

It was a cold December morning during their senior year that Lucas had surprised her, they were spending Christmas in Texas because they couldn't afford the plane ticket. In their small apartment with a small Christmas tree in the corner. There was one present under the tree with her name on it.

"What is it?" she asked knowing that they didn't have any money.

"Well it's a present," he said smiling. "For you."

"But Lucas we don't have money," she said to him.

"I inherited it, the only think I paid for was to fix it,' he said pushing it towards her. "Open it."

She looked at the box, feeling sad that she hadn't gotten him anything. As she opened it she was surprised to see a princess cut ring, with blue and purple stones set on the side of the diamond in the middle.

"Pappy Joe gave it to me, after my grandmother passed away. He said that one day I was going to find the perfect girl to give it too and I did, she's been my wife in name only for the last eight years. But now," he said taking the ring out and kneeling down in front of her. "I want to make it official, and spend the rest of my life making her smile. So Riley Matthews, the greatest present you can give me right now is saying yes to becoming my other half for all eternity. Will you marry me?"

Riley started crying, she couldn't stop herself, "This is the best time to be a Riley," she whispered before kneeling down and slamming her lips against his. "Yes, Lucas, the love of my life, I would be the happiest girl in the world to be your wife."

They got married that spring, with a surprise to Lucas from Riley, just after graduation she found out she was pregnant. The two of them eloped without anyone knowing, they had gotten married, their only witness was the wife of the minster who married them. They let their family believe that they were going to get married the next year, and just raise their unborn baby until then. They still said their hellos and goodbyes the same way since high school so they hadn't thought anything had been different. Riley and Lucas didn't have rings, only her engagement ring, and the marriage certificate that was safely tucked away between their mattresses. Instead of moving back to New York, they lived with Pappy Joe, Riley wrote for the local newspaper, while Lucas worked on the farm.

They were happy, every morning they greeted each other the same way, and every night they said goodnight the same way. It was no longer goodbyes with them, it was only goodnights, and forever.

* * *

Rucas (Prompt from Tumblr) - Can you write a fic where teens Riley and Lucas say "Goodbye, love of my life" and "Goodbye, my lovely wife" just to tease Cory. But then as they grow up, it just sticks until they actually do get married years later.


	7. But the Zebras

**A/N: The prompt is at the bottom**

 **But the Zebras….**

It took Riley all night to get the kids to sleep, having twins is hard but when Lucas is working late nights it's especially hard because they miss their father. It was almost one in the morning when she finally fell asleep. She knew that Lucas was going to be late that night because he was helping out on the Owens farm with one of their horses because the foul was breached. Sleeping in the large king size bed without her husband's warmth was difficult but exhaustion had taken over and she passed out.

She hadn't known when Lucas had come into the room, she wasn't aware of her surroundings until Lucas tapped on her shoulder.

"Riley," he whispered. "Hey… Riles… Wake up!" he shook her until she was awake. He must have been drinking with Jake Owens after they had finished because the smell of whisky came off of his skin.

"What do you want?" she said burying her head in the pillow trying to ignore her husband's constant pushing her and nudging her.

"I have a question?" he said but she just groaned.

"Lucas' I'm too tired for sex right now," she said trying not to kick her husband off the bed. "The twins wouldn't go to bed because you weren't here and it took me until after midnight just to tire them out enough so they would sleep."

"No it's not that… it's about something else," he whispered, but it still felt like he was talking in his normal voice. "It's about the other thing, about the zebras."

"What the hell are you talking about," she said giving up and rolling on her side to face her drunk husband.

"You know about the zebras," he said as his body "Are zebras black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"

Riley couldn't believe what she was hearing, her husband a veterinarian was asking her about an animal, all because they watched a movie with their kids' days ago. "... Did you seriously wake me up at 4 a.m. to ask me a question from that Madagascar movie?"

"Its 3:57 a.m., don't exaggerate and yes, I did!" he said leaning down towards her. "Now answer! I'm leaning for the second option but there's a good possibility that the first one could be the right one!"

She was absolutely speechless, he was drunk, and when he was drunk he asked life questions. She blamed her father and his lessons when they were growing up, the two men often got together and discussed the most absurd things together, mainly at the expense of whatever the kids were asking but this had topped the cake. Neither spoke for a minute, she had thought that he had finally given up when he let out an exasperated sigh.

"Well?" he asked huffing at her.

She sighed at him before talking. "I'm really torn between kissing you or punching you or even both, so I'm just going to ignore you and go back to sleep."

"But Riley," he said swaying again. "The zebras."

"We'll talk about in the morning, go take a shower and come to bed," she said hoping that he would be satisfied with waiting. He grunted after a minute before passing out on top of her legs. "I married the most wonderful man, who is a questioning child when drunk," she laughed before carefully pulling her legs out and getting up to slowly strip off his work clothes before slowly pulling him up to the bed and tucking him in.

* * *

When Lucas woke up the next morning it was nearly noon, and he had a splitting headache, he couldn't remember what had happened the night before, or how he got home. The sun was bright in his eyes, making him squint at the brightness. When he looked over he saw a glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol waiting for him, and wondered what he had done when he got home.

"Oh good you're awake," Riley said as she walked into the room. "Jake called early worried that you fell into a ditch when you walked home after your drink."

"What happened?" he asked as he slowly rubbed his temples.

"Well you woke me up and…"

"Don't tell me we had sex, because if I can't remember it I don't want to know."

"No Lucas," she said smiling at him. "When you're drunk you turn into a child who asks too many questions. You and my dad talk to each other better when you're drunk than when you're sober."

"Oh, so what did I ask?"

"You asked me if zebras are black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"

"The movie," he sighed while dropping his head back into the pillow. "The twins were asking me that question and I didn't study that kind of wildlife in school so I couldn't answer."

"Don't worry the mystery is solved, they're black with white stripes."

"I'm sorry I woke you up," he said. "And fell asleep while I still smelled like this."

"Don't worry, you don't really smell that bad, the kids smelled worse when they were toddlers so you're safe."

"I love you," he smiled at her. "And I promise to never drink again, because I want to remember these moments."

"But if you hadn't drank we wouldn't have known about the zebras," she said smiling at him. "Now come on Cowboy, let's get you in the shower and cleaned up. I'll make you some pancakes to help you with the hangover."

"Can we shower together? You know for scientific purposes."

Riley laughed at him before kissing him on the cheek, "You're lucky I love you or else that line wouldn't have worked… come on."

* * *

 **Prompt Idea from rilgwilym on Tumblr**

 **Person B:** Hey... hey! Wake up!

 **Person A:** what do you want?

 **Person B:** Are zebras black with white stripes or white with black stripes?

 **Person A:** ... Did you seriously woke me up at 4 a.m to ask me a question from that Madagascar movie?

 **Person B:** It's 3:57 a.m, don't exaggerate and yes, I did! Now answer! I'm leaning for the second option but there's a good possibility that the first one could be the right one!

 **Person A:** ...

 **Person B:** ...

 **Person B:** Well?

 **Person A:** I'm really torn between kissing you or punching you or even both, so I'm just going to ignore you and go back to sleep.


	8. Riley Fangirl Matthews Returns

_**A/N: Since the first story was from Lucas' point of view I decided to write this from Riley's, and this story has a twist…. I may also want to point out that yes I follow the Stony fandom, the stories are so freaking good too! So shout out to those writers because I love them!**_

* * *

 **Riley "Fangirl" Matthews Returns**

The first time she wrote a fanfic, Riley felt weird, she didn't know if it was okay to take a character and change their lives completely. After she wrote her second story it became a little easier because she was just fixing what she thought were problems, and mainly it was only to satisfy her own universe of the story. She didn't care that it was slash fiction, or whether or not people liked it, because in the end she liked it.

By her fifth story she was becoming bolder in her choices of how the story went, because of course Captain America and Iron Man loved each other and they should love one another in every way possible. Trying not to do anything suspicious she researched the love scenes through other fanfictions, even contacting the writers on what they were writing and how they wrote the love scenes. After a while she had one other writer working with her on the stories, this writer had more of an affinity towards the Spideypool slash fiction, but since the Super husbands tag had become so popular the stories began to bleed into one another.

Her online writer friend went by GeniusPool, and constantly gave her pointers on how the scenes should go. Once she became more and more confident her friend told her that they could keep talking and being each other's beta reader, without knowing Riley had made an online friend within her secret little world. They only talked online so Riley didn't know if it was an actual girl or a forty year old man, but it didn't get to weird between them.

When Lucas found out that she was writing these stories, he was a little weirded out, but eventually, after reading her stories, he started to warm up to her writing. Although he skipped the smuttiest of the scenes he encouraged her writing and even helped her keep it a secret. Now she had two people who encouraged her to keep writing, so of course she continued.

She had been sitting at her desk writing another story when Maya walked in through the door causing Riley to jump when the door slammed against her dresser. Closing her laptop she turned to her best friend and smiled, there were precious few secrets that Riley held back from her best friend and this was one of them.

"Hey Maya," Riley said smiling before standing up and walking over to the bay window. "So what brings you here today?"

"Uh, Riles, we were supposed to go to Topanga's to meet up with everyone," Maya said looking at her suspiciously. "Did you forget?"

"Yeah sorry, I was trying to finish my English paper and I lost track of the time," Riley said her heart pounding in her chest. "I'll get my jacket and we can go."

"Sure," Maya said looking around the room, Riley knew she was checking to see if there was anything weird but since her room looked the same. "Let's go."

The two of the walked to the café talking about whatever came to their minds, but Riley knew that Maya was suspicious about what Riley had been doing. Since they were all going to work on their homework, Riley had grabbed her laptop so she could attempt to look like she was writing a paper she had already finished. When they walked inside all of their friends had gathered around their regular chairs and had spread out their homework but Riley didn't have anywhere to pug in her laptop so she looked around for one of the nearby booths where she could still be near her friends and work on her story.

"Hey guys," Riley said as she walked passed them towards the booth. "I'm going to sit here, I need to plug in my laptop."

"Do you want us to sit with you?" Lucas asked but Riley just shook her head. She gave him a wink, which had been their signal for when she was working on a story.

"Geez, even when she says no to him, she winks at him," Zay said looking away from Riley. "Come on Maya we have to work on that project for Mr. Matthews, since we're the last ones from our group to go."

Riley watched as Maya and Zay set up in the corner, every once and a while Maya looked over at her, and Riley knew she needed to be aware of where she was. Lucas came over a couple of times to check on her but mostly he worked from where they normally sat together. She sent a message to her fanfiction friend to ask them to read her story for inconsistencies when Maya popped up behind her and snatched Riley's laptop.

"Maya," Riley screamed out causing everyone to look over at them but it was too late Maya started reading what was on the screen. "Give it back," Riley said pulling on the laptop.

Instead Maya ran towards the other side of the room where Zay joined her and the two of them read what was on the screen.

"Guys give Riley her laptop back," Farkle said his voice annoyed by Maya and Zay's antics.

"No," Maya said. "You have to read the smut Riley is writing here."

"Geez, it's always the quiet ones," Zay said as he read through the story.

Riley had had enough and grabbed her bag and walked over to grab her laptop, but when she tried to grab it from them they pulled it away from her causing her to lose her footing and fall against the chairs behind her and falling on the floor.

"That's enough," Lucas said grabbing the laptop and shutting it before walking over to Riley and helping her up. "You two have had your fun, and now Riley's hurt so I hope it was worth it."

"Yes it was," Maya said. "Riley's writing smut and keeping it from me, I should know about this I'm her best friend."

"Maya," Riley said brushing off the dirt off her clothes. "I didn't tell you because it was private, you didn't have the right to snatch away my laptop. Why couldn't you just ask like a normal person?"

"Oh please," Maya said looking around. "None of them know about what you're writing and if they did it wouldn't matter, we talk about everything but you kept this a secret."

"Because it was my secret to keep, and Lucas knows I write this and he doesn't care."

"Sugar, it's kind of deviant," Zay said looking at her, saying the first thing that Lucas had said. Lucas on the other hand had listened to her side before judging her for keeping it a secret.

"Who cares Zay," Riley said looking at them. "That was an invasion of my privacy, you shouldn't have done that."

The group looked around at one another all of a sudden realizing what the implications of what had happened was. But no one spoke, Farkle and Smackle didn't really know what was happening, Lucas pulling Riley to the booth towards the end of the café, while Maya and Zay looked at each other. After a minute they turned and started laughing and Riley didn't care what they thought, it was her story and she was sticking to it.

A message popped up on her account from her friend, saying that she would read the story and send it back as soon as she could. Riley felt tired, from fighting with Maya and Zay, from falling, from constantly having to defend herself. She was lucky they hadn't read the whole chapter she had written because it would cause major problems if they had gotten to the steamer parts of the story.

After a few minutes had passed Smackle walked over and smiled at Riley, "If it's alright with you can I sit here, I know you're angry with Maya but if you need a friend I'm here for you."

"That's nice Smackle," Riley said smiling at the genius who had become her friend over the years.

Lucas walked towards his homework after a moment leaving them alone, Farkle was helping him with something for class, while Maya and Zay just worked together laughing every once and a while. In front of her Smackle was working on something, which made Riley feel like she was slacking so she decided to work on the next part of her story since she had finished all of her homework before she came to the café. The only noise she could hear was the tap tap tap of Smackle's keyboard as she worked.

"Hey Smackle," Riley said after they had sat there in silence for ten minutes. "What are you working on?"

"Oh I have a friend who sends me… well… stuff to read," Smackle said, and Riley couldn't help but smile as the genius blushed. "I usually work to edit any inconsistencies in her work and send it back."

"Do you mind me asking what kind of work it is? Unless it's government related or something top secret that you don't want to share."

"No… it's just I fear receiving the same treatment that Maya and Zay have acted upon when they read what you were reading."

"I don't judge," Riley said smiling.

Smackle nodded and stood up only to come around and sit next to Riley showing her the document, as Riley read it she realized what it was that she was reading. It was her own story.

"Are you GeniusPool?" Riley said shocked as she saw the edits that Smackle had been doing for the story.

"Yes, why do you ask?"

"Smackle that's my story, I'm VioletStony."

The two of them sat there in shock, Riley had always known her fanfiction friend without knowing it was her.

"I feel strange about this conundrum," Smackle said looking down at the keys on her laptop.

"Actually I'm… well I'm kinda glad it's you, it just means that we can share this with each other, and we can talk about it once a week. I mean well other than Lucas no one I know really… well."

"They don't know or understand why you write such deviant things?" Smackle replied. "I feel the same way. Farkle only recently understood what I was doing and sometimes he read the stories, but I won't betray your confidence, since I've been helping you for a while now."

"Thanks Smackle," Riley said smiling at her friend. "Maybe we can go to Comic Con this year, dressed up with Farkle and Lucas, I mean you can be Spidergirl and Farkle can be Deadpool, and I can be Iron Man… well Iron Woman and Lucas can be Captain America."

"Well I have become a fan of the comic books, the science in them is fascinating, and given the right opportunity it would be a scientific marvel to achieve."

"Smackle we're going just for fun not to interrogate the writers and artist."

"Well I could pick up more comics and study further into my characters," she said smiling. "And Riley, I really like your stories. I always look forward to reading them."

The two of them talked to one another for another hour, about the stories they were writing about Riley borrowing some Avenger's comics for further study, and about the relationships within their own universes. After a while she had noticed that Maya all of sudden got quiet, and Riley felt bad for yelling at Maya but in a way she hadn't too. It was one thing to call her out for not saying anything and it was another to thing to invading Riley's privacy without asking her first about what she had been working on. She loved her best friend but in some ways she knew that Maya had to learn that boundaries had been set for a reason and she couldn't insert herself into everything without consequences.

Maya walked over to them smiling shyly at Riley, "Um, Riles…" she spoke up and Riley looked over. "I'm sorry for what I did, I have been told that it was wrong and I should apologize to you because of it."

"Maya I would forgive you regardless, but you have to actually feel sorry," Riley said looking at her best friend.

"I do and I don't, it's just that I feel bad for invading your privacy, but I don't feel bad for taking your laptop, because you never keep anything from me."

"Well there are somethings I keep from you, but those things usually involve making out with Lucas, and I figured you wouldn't want to know about that."

"Yeah, I don't need visuals when it comes to your relationship with heehaw over there."

"And I wouldn't want to share them with you," Riley winked at Maya trying not to laugh. "So you're forgiven. Maybe if you actually read through the story you would understand why I write it."

"Okay, but later because I need a good grade in this project," she said before walking away.

* * *

Isadora Smackle never thought that she would have real friends, it wasn't plausible for her, and she had a problem communicating with people and found it hard to make friends growing up. When she first met Farkle Minkus she thought he was a great person, but had trouble telling him otherwise and often made simple mistakes talking to him. She developed a crush on him but to his knowledge they were never going to be together because they were so alike. She didn't know how to feel, she didn't understand feelings, she preferred science because she could control it.

Then she met Riley Matthews who befriended her, even when she used her for scientific purposes, just so she could win a debate. But Riley didn't stop being nice to her because of this, instead she continued to try to help Isadora become a regular girl, even when Riley told her that it was alright with her being who she was. Isadora just wanted to fit in for once, and not feel like the odd person out in her now growing circle of friends.

Slowly she came to understand that being normal didn't matter, as long as you have people who accept you for who you are. Her father and her uncle introduced her to comic books, and superhero movies, to show her that everyone out there was special in their own way. Some characters were disabled as well and still fought alongside every other hero, becoming stronger heroes than others, or working as back up for some.

Then she found Deadpool, who was horribly disfigured but still strong, well stronger and she automatically liked how he thought and spoke without thinking about what others thought. She knew that he didn't have Asperger's like her, but she felt an affinity towards the foul mouthed man. Then she read the Spiderman/Deadpool comics and started imagining them at this strange couple. One genius, and the other speaking his mind, together they were like her trying to make it in a world where their abilities made them outcast.

Before she started dating Farkle she didn't know anything about romantic relationships, once they started dating she did the same with the characters writing fictional worlds where they were together. Where the two characters reminded her of herself, other qualities they held she also found in Farkle, but she didn't tell anyone about the stories. When he found out, he thought she was just trying to express herself and encouraged her writing, often reading her stories while smiling.

She had met her friend that way, and they both wrote and helped one another so Isadora was surprised to find out that the person she had been communicating with for months, the person who would write such wonderful stories had been so close to her for so long. It was another way in which Riley had helped her become her own person and she was proud to have her as a friend. This was something they shared with one another and she was proud.

* * *

Riley had gotten tickets to Comic Con months in advanced, and Farkle upgraded them so that they could have the VIP tickets, mainly because he was happy that Riley was getting closer to Smackle. For Riley she was happy to have something to share with the genius, they had become fast friends both online and in person, but now the two personalities had combined and they were happy to work with one another. Maya couldn't go with them, because she was going on a trip to Florida with her mom and Shawn, while he was on an assignment. Zay opted out in favor of going to Texas. So it had become a double date, with her and Lucas, and Farkle and Smackle. The girls had decided to dress up and make the guys dress up as well, so when Smackle showed up at her house dressed as Spiderman, Riley couldn't help but smile. She was dressed as Iron Man, with the help of Smackle the two of them had worked on their costumes for over a month. Riley's was actually as close to the real thing as they could have gotten, mainly because of the genius, and she was able to sew Smackle's costume while making sure it fit.

When the guys knocked on the door the two girls had put on their masks and sat at the bay window in the living room waiting for them to walk inside. Lucas was wearing Captain America's outfit from the Winter Solider which surprised Riley since they hadn't talked about costumes at all with the guys. They had mentioned it to each other but after another debate they had decided against it. Farkle walked in behind him dressed as Deadpool and Smackle let out a very girly giggle which surprised Riley since it didn't happen often.

"We decided to surprise you," Farkle said as Smackle hugged him. "Are you happy my love?"

"Yes I am," she said pulling off the mask.

Riley's heart warmed up to the fact that the two geniuses liked each other so much they would do something so sweet, and then she remembered Lucas who had sat down next to her.

"It's not weird is it?" Lucas said smiling shyly at her.

"Nope it's perfect," she said smoothing out his hair.

"Good, now let's go, Farkle's father lent us the car so that we could go to the Javits Center without having to deal with the subway, the bus, and crossing a highway."

Smackle and Riley had put stickers on their outfits with their fanfiction user names so that people would know it's them, somehow they had developed their own fan following when they decided to write a story together. So of course Riley decided on free advertising to promote their story.

The four of them went off towards the convention center, with one very surprised driver in tow.

* * *

 _ **A/N: If I write a third one Maya would probably start drawing the fan art for Riley and Smackle, because this has become a series of one-shots**_

 _ **This turned into a Rucas/Smarkle story so fast... But more of a story on friendship between Riley and Smackle**_


	9. Home is Where you are

_**A/N: Here it is, finally, the Joshaya one-shot I've been working on. This is a continuation of the first Joshaya One-Shot, P.S. Slightly steamy but mostly PG-13, judge for yourself. Sorry it took so long, mainly because I was writing the final parts to my Season 4 fic and that had a lot of Joshaya moments so it was hard to write a one-shot while I was writing that.**_

* * *

 **Home is Where you are**

Maya had a secret, she found out only because she had gone for her regular check up at the doctor's office and it came out as a surprise. She knew that she had just gotten engaged to Josh, but they had celebrated the night of their engagement by well not moving out of their bedroom. That was two and a half months ago and she still looked at the ring whenever she was alone, thinking it had some magic powers and made all of her biggest dreams come true.

Now she was carrying his baby, while planning a wedding, working full-time and trying to juggle having enough time to sleep, or have a little fun with her fiancé. So when the rare free day off came along she set up their living room with all of their favorite snacks, some movies, a warm blanket and the two of them alone in front of the television. She decided that this would be the day that she would tell him about the baby. She was afraid of course because she didn't know what his reaction would be but she couldn't keep it a secret since she would start showing soon.

"I brought ice cream," Josh said as he walked in through the front door. He saw what she had set up and smiled. "Ah just what we need."

"I know it's been a while since we were just two lazy bums on the couch," she said smiling at him. "Plus it's raining outside so no one will actually come over and bother us."

Josh smiled before looking around. "Well if they do I think it would be better if we moved our little lazy day to the bedroom, away from the front door."

"Now you just want to be really lazy, but I like it," she smiled picking up the blanket as he grabbed the snacks so they could walk to the room. Josh turned on the television and left her to put the movie up. He grabbed his favorite pair of pajamas before jumping on the bed.

"Crap I forgot the spoons," he said before jumping back up and rushing towards the kitchen.

While he was gone Maya pulled out the box that held the first sonogram of their baby and put it on Josh's pillow. In her head she was trying to figure out how to tell him, several scenarios passed through her head before she realized that he had come back into the room and wrapped his arms around her. For a minute she forgot what she was going to say as her tall fiancé bent down to place his lips on hers, and give her a quick peck on the lips.

Before he could pull away she pulled him back down and kissed him again, he gave her courage by just kissing her and she needed that courage right then and there. She slowly ran her tongue over his lower lip before he opened his mouth to let her in. After that all she felt was heat, from him, his mouth, her own body. He dropped the spoons and turned her around picking her up by her waist so that their lips could be closer. Maya quickly wrapped her legs around his waist and deepened the kiss, letting out a small groan as they continued. Josh pushed her up against the dresser as his hands roamed around the edge of her tank top before he slowly slid them up so he could touch her skin.

Maya tugged at his shirt breaking the kiss only so he could pull it over his head, but when his eyes met hers all she saw was pure lust, his pupils had dilated as he took in her flushed cheeks. Before she could say anything he pulled off her shirt, so they were both topless in front of one another. Josh's lips once again descended on hers as his hands roamed up and down the side of her body before he grabbed onto one of her breast and squeezed making her gasp from the feel of his callused hands.

"Josh," she said half whispering to him before he slowly descended onto her nipple but before the sensation hit her she pushed him away and ran into the bathroom. To throw up everything she had eaten that morning. Josh was right behind her, she knew he was worried as he pulled her long blonde hair away from her face and slowly rubbed circles on her back.

"Are you okay?" he asked as she finished dry heaving into the toilet. "Do you want me to take you to the doctor?"

"No," she said embarrassed at what had happened. She liked it when he touched her, so of course the baby was going to be a buzz kill just when she was in the mood. "Give me a minute and let me wash my face and my teeth."

"Okay," he said walking out of the bathroom, before coming back in with a fresh shirt and a new set of pajama shorts for her. "Call me if you need anything, I'm going to go grab some water and ginger ale for you from the kitchen.

Josh didn't know what to think, one minute they were hot and heavy and the next she was sick over the toilet. He wondered if she had eaten anything during the day that would get her sick but that means he would have been sick as well. He took the ice cream and the spoons with him to the kitchen so that it didn't melt. Pulling out a bottle of water and a cup for the ginger ale he wondered what else his mother had given him when he was sick as a kid.

"Crackers," he said to himself before grabbing the saltines from the cabinet.

When he got back to the room he heard the shower running, he knew that some of the vomit had probably landed on her hair. He paced back and forth in the room worried that she would collapse in the bathroom. He cleaned up their room, moved the snacks to the dresser and made she that her drinks were on her side of the bed. It took him a minute to see the small package on the bed.

"She's sick and she still buys me a present," he said thinking about how wonderful Maya was to him.

The shower shut off a minute later, he looked up wondering if she was done or if she had fallen but when he heard the blow dryer turn on he knew she was alright. Whenever she had gotten sick she always kicked him out of the bathroom, it took all the willpower in the world to keep him from rushing inside the bathroom, but he was patient. He looked back down at the present before slowly unraveling the ribbon that she had used.

He opened the lid as the bathroom door opened, but he looked up to see her and her halo of wispy blonde hair flying all over the place.

"Oh you found it," she said giving him a shy smile.

He looked down and back up at her, "Yeah, um…" he stopped himself before looking back down to see a picture, but it wasn't a regular picture, it was a sonogram. He looked back up at her and back down to the image. "Is this why you're… um… you're sick?"

"Yeah, um… well apparently one of the condoms broke the day we got engaged, and well," she stammered but he dropped the box shocking her, but as soon as he stood he grabbed her and pulled her close. "You're going to be a father," she whispered as he hugged her close.

"You're going to be a mother," he said as his heart swelled with joy. "So… we're going to be… um parents."

"Yeah," she looked at him questioning his face. "Are you okay with that?"

"Yes," he whispered, while he nodded. "Yes," the word was more firm in his mind as he thought of a little girl with a mixture of their hair and her eyes smiling at him. "I hope it's a little girl."

"Why?" Maya asked him as she looked at him.

"With you I've always wanted a little girl, with bouncy curls and light brown hair with blonde highlights, and you're beautiful eyes."

"You've thought about this?"

"Yes, I want us to have a family. It won't be perfect, because nothing in life is really perfect, but it will be ours, together."

"Together," she smiled at him.

After years of missed chances, of watching each other with other people, playing the long game, and waiting, they were going to really have forever with one another. He bent down and kissed her again pulling her close as the happiest tears he could ever have came rushing down his face.

"I'm going to be a dad," he smiled at her again before kissing her again and again.

"Home is where you are," she said smiling at him. "Never perfect, but always together."

"Forever and ever."


	10. Secret Crush

_**A/N: This was a request from my WattPad account for a secret admirer one-shot. So I wrote it with a side of Jealous Lucas  
**_

* * *

 **Secret Crush**

Every day he watched her talking with her friend on the train on the way to school, she was a radiant beautiful person, his heart beat like crazy every time he saw her but he didn't say anything to her. Lucas was afraid of saying anything to her, his past life made him a broken person so instead of being upfront and saying something like his former self would have he stayed in the background. The first time he saw her was in middle school, so at the time he thought it was just school boy crush. He dated other girls, played baseball in the spring and basketball in the fall. Everything normal he could think of just to get his mind off of the girl with the long brown hair.

Towards the end of middle school his best friend moved to New York and joined him at school, it was a good enough distraction because he was constantly saving him from troublemakers but also because they were able to go out and learn about the city together. When he moved up to High School he saw it as a second chance at living his new life. He wasn't getting into trouble, he was volunteering on the weekends, and he was playing his favorite sports. He had made captain of the basketball team at the end of sophomore year and had a girlfriend who was a cheerleader.

He still saw Riley in the hallways but he didn't look at her anymore because he knew that his feelings would resurface and he knew that it wasn't meant to be. She was at the top of their class and on the school newspaper. They lived in two very different worlds. But then his girlfriend broke up with him to be with some film student and he was left alone with his own thoughts once again. Thoughts that once again led to Riley Matthews.

Now that they were nearing the end of their junior year of high school he decided that ignoring his feelings wasn't the best way to go about living his life so he decided to do something about it. The first thing he had done was leave a small note in her locker,

 _Dear Riley,_

 _You may not know who I am, but I have liked you for a long time. As cheesy as it sounds, but I want to be honest with you so I'm writing this letter. If you want to take a chance on me, please meet me at Topanga's Café on Friday. I'll be in the last booth."_

 _Your secret admirer_

It was the cheesiest note he had ever written and most people would probably laugh at it but he was laying his heart on the line. But when Friday came someone else was sitting in the last booth with Riley and he didn't know what to do so he once again pushed his feelings aside and watched her from afar.

* * *

Riley had never received a letter from a secret admirer but the scrawl on the paper made her heart speed up. But as excited as she was, she was also secretly hoping that the person who had sent the letter was the captain of the basketball team. Lucas Friar. She had a crush on him since middle school but she never did anything about it because he was popular and she was average. She was a klutz, but at least her friends were alright with who she was so it didn't matter that the boy she liked didn't like her back, for now she just wanted to live her life.

So there she sat in her mother's café waiting for the boy who had left her the most honest note she had ever seen, only to possibly reject him because she knew that he wasn't the one for her. One of his best friends sat in the booth with her after she had been waiting for ten minutes, they talked about the homework and a party that was happening at the end of the week to mark the end of the school year. When the person never showed she was disappointed because she would never know who it had been that had left her the note.

The week went by, she finished her last articles for the school newspaper, and worked on several other projects for her summer college program at NYU. It was better to keep busy than to think of the person who might have left her that letter. It might have just been a practical joke, she wasn't the most popular person in school, especially since her father was a teacher there, so in the end it could just have been someone playing a joke on her.

She had been invited to the party because everyone had been invited to the party, and originally she hadn't wanted to go but Maya was sitting in her bedroom bouncing up and down while wearing black skinny jeans and her black boots.

"Come on Riley, it's the last party of the year," she had said as she pulled out clothes from Riley's closet.

"Maya you know my dad won't let me go to a party, or a date, or pretty much anything," Riley said trying to put her clothes back into the closet so that there wouldn't be a mess on her bed when she wanted to go to sleep later on that night.

"That's why he won't know," she said smiling as she pulled out the extra pillows from the closet. "I talked to your mom, and she said that you can go as long as you're back by midnight. The pillows are going to be your cover for your dad."

"You planned this with my mother?"

"Yes, and she agreed with me, you have to learn to have a little fun while you're in high school. Riley… Riles… you can't be closed off, you have to live a little."

Riley groaned at the thought of her best friend and her mother conspiring to get her out of the house. "Fine, whatever you guy win."

The two of them spent the next twenty minutes putting together an outfit for her to go out in, all the while Riley was secretly hoping to see Lucas one more time before the start of their summer.

* * *

It was a party like any other, and lately Lucas began to find them boring, the same people, the same games, beer here and there and no parents around anywhere. Zay was running around chasing some cheerleader as usual. Lucas was bored, so when he saw that across the room people were playing suck and blow with a single card he wanted nothing more than to leave the party.

"Such a stupid game," he had said rolling his eyes as he stood up.

That's when he spotted her, she was with her blonde friend what's her name again…um… Maya I think. Riley was standing on the line of people with a card coming towards her face. She was laughing as she watched their classmates try and sometimes fail to keep the card moving. Standing next to her was Charlie Gardner, who was smiling as if he were planning something. Lucas didn't like the look that Gardner was giving her, almost as if he was going to drop the card on purpose just to kiss Riley.

Lucas moved before he could think as the card reached Gardner's lips he grabbed it off of the guys face and handed it to Maya on the other side before taking Riley's hand and pulling her away from the stunned faces of his classmates. He pulled Riley along until they reached the sidewalk, instead of letting go he pulled her towards the park across the street from the party until he was sure that they were alone.

"You know he was going to drop that card on purpose," Lucas said trying to reign in his anger. "He was going to force you to kiss him."

"Why should it matter," she said to him her face stunned at what he had just done. "You're not my boyfriend you had no right. We've never even had a conversation before today."

"Yeah well….um," Lucas could feel his anger disappearing as he realized what he had done. "Sorry, it's just that… well I really like you Riley, and I've wanted to ask you out for a while but I could never get the courage to actually do it."

"Lucas Friar, the most popular guy in school," she barked out a quick laugh. "This is a prank isn't it?"

"Not really," he sighed knowing that he had to tell her about the letter. "I left a letter in your locker a while ago, and I was going to confess but I saw you with someone when I went to meet you and thought that you already had a boyfriend so I couldn't bring myself to."

"Wait a minute," she interrupted him. "That letter was you, you sent me that… wait…. Oh my god."

Riley started muttering to herself pacing back and forth, and while most people would have found it weird, he thought it was cute. So instead of interrupting her by saying anything he did the one thing he had wanted to do since the first day he saw her on the train when he was in middle school. He grabbed her by the arms and pulled her into a kiss, she didn't move for a moment and he feared that he had messed his moment up, but she leaned into the kiss and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Lucas smiled into the kiss and pulled her closer taking in the feeling of finally having the girl he had wanted for nearly four years. When they pulled away she smiled at him.

"I've had a crush on you for a long time," she said blushing as she hid her face.

"Well I guess we're both idiots because I've liked you since middle school," he smiled before pulling her hands from her face. "I guess now we can finally have our moment."

"So this isn't some joke?"

"No, trust me I probably would have beat the living shit out of Gardner if he had kissed you, especially since he had been leering at you the entire time as if he was going to do something worse," he sighed thinking that he had said too much.

"You were jealous," she smiled. "Of someone else kissing me… aww that's so cute… well not actually because it would have been bad but I think it was cute that you get jealous for me, because at least that way I wouldn't feel guilty for constantly wishing that you and your last girlfriend had broken up."

"So the moral of the story is that we're both jealous idiots who have liked each other for a while but didn't say anything, and all it took was one party and a stupid game to get one of us to act."

"Yup, now kiss me and walk me home, we can stop by Topanga's and get some iced coffee on the way," she said smiling at him.

"As you wish," he said as he pulled her close again.


	11. Pocky Kiss

_**A/N: I found this prompt on Tumblr from user wildotps and thought it was cute. They're not together, they're still dancing around their feelings.**_

 _ **Imagine your OTP casually eating Pocky (or anything along those lines) while talking about random things. Person A puts a stick of Pocky in their mouth right as they finish their sentence. However, instead of responding to what A said, Person B puts their mouth on the other end of the Pocky.**_

 _ **Bonus if they're not even dating yet**_

* * *

 **POCKY KISS**

When Riley studied alone she always had snacks with her to pass the time, and to keep her energy up. So of course one of her favorite snacks always made it into her bag whenever she finished her homework so that she would have them for the next study session. Even when she was alone in her mother's café she always had them in her bag. Maya laughed at her for it once because she had said that one day there would be someone on the other side of that Pocky stick.

Riley knew who Maya was teasing her about, of course she knew, but that didn't matter because her feelings for Lucas would stay buried until she was ready. She was afraid of anything happening to their friendship so she never acted on her feelings pass that first date, and the disaster of their classmates forcing them into a relationship. Zay joked that Lucas was going to have to one day make a move, but he didn't. As frustrating as it was that they had never moved passed their initial feelings, and their fears, their friendship had become stronger than ever.

So of course Lucas knew about her snacking habits, how she had one Pocky stick in her mouth as she studied. He never made a joke about it, and sometimes brought her different kinds of Pocky from the nearby Japanese market. It warmed her heart to know that he would noticed when she was running low on her favorite snack.

For Lucas on the other hand, he couldn't handle the teasing their friends gave them, it wasn't their place to comment on it. Riley and him had an understanding that they would move on their feelings when they were ready to acknowledge them. He didn't do anything, even when some guys from the football team tried to ask her out, she said no of course, or when one of his classmates asked him questions about Riley, he told him to ask her himself. Yes, he got jealous, but he wouldn't do anything to break his promise to Riley. So they danced around their feelings, and he watched her as she ran out of her favorite snacks.

It had started out as a gesture at first, they had been studying one day, Riley so engrossed in her notes that she had made her way through half of the box. He excused himself and walked over to the Sunrise Market, he knew her favorite was the chocolate one, but he picked up almond crush and a strawberry flavor to see if she would like them as well. When he returned Riley was staring at the empty box with a pout on her face that made him smile as he dropped the bag onto her text book before walking back to his own seat. She gave him a huge smile before opening up one of the boxes and handing him a stick as she put another one in her mouth.

That was the first time he had done it, but not the last, and as they continued to study together he would always bring a bag full of Pocky snacks for her to try. The flavors changed seasonally and there were always new ones to try. The traditional flavors were easier to find but not as fun as when she would try something new. He always brought the regular chocolate one because that was always her favorite and would put a smile on her face.

They had been doing this as a routine for three months before Maya and Zay sent him a video of something called a Pocky Kiss, they had been pushing him at that point to make a move on Riley. Maya had brought it up to Riley but Riley had pushed it aside thinking that it was just Maya teasing her about it. The two of them had found out about Lucas's habit of bringing the snacks to Riley and thought that he should finally make his move before they all died from waiting. Their first kiss had been at the end of seventh grade, and now they were junior's in High School. Even after he had received the message, it would take him two weeks to even work up the courage to do anything.

Riley was sitting in the corner of the café studying, it wasn't her normal study area, which had been taken over by a group of college students, but she was fine with sitting on the barstool drinking some tea while waiting for Lucas. Studying together had become a habit, it had started as the six of them studying together but twice a week it was just her and Lucas. She wanted to have something more with him, but she decided to keep what they had instead because it was better than ruining it.

Her heart broke just a little as she thought about it.

When he sat down across from her with the usual bag of Pocky she smiled and decided to just talk about anything she could think of.

"So Maya and I were thinking about going to see that new exhibit at the MET, she said that she wanted some inspiration and we talked about going for a while now," she said looking through the bag, trying to pick which one to open first. "I asked Farkle to come along and he asked Smackle, so do you think that maybe… um… you and Zay would like to come. We could make it a group thing."

"Yeah that would be great, I'll ask Zay," he said smiling at her making her heart skip a beat.

Opening the small bag inside the box and putting one in her mouth she started planning the trip in her head. "Well we could meet early on Saturday and make a day out of it… and," she stopped for a moment to swallow the half she had eaten, as she started on the other half Lucas grabbed her hand and leaned forward catching the other half of the Pocky stick and biting it until their lips met in the middle.

Riley felt her breath hitch for a moment making the bit that was in her mouth go down her windpipe making her choke and cough on Lucas, spraying bits and pieces into his face.

"Oh god, Riley I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he said taking her tea and handing it to her, but it was too hot which only made it worse until he grabbed the bottle of water he normally had in his backpack and handed it to her.

She gulped it down greedily fighting back the urge to choke and die right in front of the boy she's liked since the seventh grade.

"No Lucas," she said her voice hoarse and barely above a whisper. "It's not that."

His face was filled with worry but she just smiled as she cleared her throat and looked up at him.

"I wasn't prepared for it so it took me by surprise, and it probably wasn't the best idea to actually kiss someone when they're eating something," she said looking down at her hands. "I liked it though and maybe next time we try to do it… well I won't choke because I was surprised."

He sighed and smiled at her. "I was trying to make it into a moment you wouldn't forget," he said as he grabbed her hand.

"Trust me I won't forget that ever, and it's a story that I will probably be able to tell someone in the future as a memory of when the boy I liked finally kissed me."

"I would like it if we were more than just friends who like each other, that maybe we could make this official… you know… you and me."

"I would love that," she said smiling at him.

At the other end of the café someone yelled out "Finally," causing the two of them to turn to see as their friends spilled out of the back booth and hug them both. Congratulating them on moving out of their awkward phase.

"Because honestly we were sick of waiting," Zay said as he patted Lucas on the back.

"I was about to lock you two in a room until you finally did something," Maya smiled as she hugged her best friend. "Hurt her and I'll kill you."

"Noted," Lucas said smiling at Riley and taking her hand in his. He finally had his moment.


	12. Overprotective Lucas

Requested by ILoveReytonAndRucas on Wattpad

Prompt: Do a Rucas one shot where Riley and Lucas are married and Riley is pregnant and Lucas is really protective. And when she goes into labor something happens to the baby and it almost died.

[This is one that kills me on the inside]

Note: I am not a medical professional

* * *

 **Overprotective Lucas**

* * *

It had taken Riley and Lucas six years after they finished college to get married, Riley had internships and job offers all over the world and Lucas went to get his doctorate in veterinary medicine. They had stayed together through it all because they loved one another so much and knew that relationships of any kind took a lot of work. They wanted to have their lives in order before taking that final step and getting married. Even when they thought that it was too hard, like when Riley had to spend a year working at the Paris branch of her magazine, or when Lucas had spent all of his time in Texas working as an assistant at a practice while going to school.

There was a fight when they Riley was twenty-six where she was sure it was over because Lucas's lab partner had tried to get into his pants and answered his phone while he was trying to find her a cab. The girl had made it seem as if they had hooked up and it had nearly killed Riley to hear it from her. Only to have Zay yell at Lucas before they figured out what had really happened.

Or when Riley had been in the hospital for breaking her leg to badly she needed surgery, the bone had broken out of her skin, and she had been so drugged up that she answered the phone and told Lucas that she was dating a guy named Chris. Maya had to fix that mess while laughing because they had just come back from seeing a Chris Evans movie when Riley had fallen off the curb and Riley's leg had gone through the drain, before hitting her head and suffering from short-term memory loss.

After everything that they had been through the two of them were finally in a place where their lives were stable, and they didn't have to worry so much about anything else. At least that's how it felt until they had decided to finally try and have a baby. They tried for three years, and when Riley had all but given up because she couldn't conceive. Even though her doctor and Lucas's doctor had told them that nothing was wrong Riley blamed herself. Lucas took his wife out to Texas for the summer, to get away from their lives as he got ready to open up his own practice that September. They needed a vacation after over a decade of working hard to achieve their dreams… well most of their dreams.

In the end all they needed was to relax and not stress out over their situation before Riley found herself pregnant with twins. When they returned to New York, Lucas's practice opened and Riley had entered her second trimester. They were both giddy as they found out they were having a boy and a girl, they smiled at every small thing they ordered for the babies, they were going to be a happy family.

"Lucas," Riley said as she walked into the clinic, eight months pregnant and rubbing her belly.

The clinic was filled with people, and Callie, Lucas's receptionist, was sitting at the front desk sorting through a number of files.

"Mrs. Friar," Callie said smiling. "I'll get Dr. Friar in a minute so go into his office."

"Thanks Cal," she said walking towards the back. The clinic was on the basement level of their house. They had moved into a brownstone near her childhood home, and purchased the building with Lucas's inheritance from Pappy Joe who had passed away the year they had gotten married. Riley had hung a portrait of Lucas's Pappy Joe, that she had Maya paint for her. in the waiting room. It was a reminder of everything they were thankful for and how much they missed him.

Callie was Zay's girlfriend, the two had started dating six months before Lucas had opened up the practice, and Zay had received a license as a veterinary tech so that he could work with Lucas. Riley had told Lucas when he was planning on opening the practice that it should be a family practice, one that he could hand down to their kids, even if they had wanted to convert it to a café it hadn't mattered.

Riley sat in the loveseat in the office and waited, not knowing that she had fallen asleep as soon as she sat down. Waking up to the smell of her favorite Chinese food coming from the coffee table. Lucas had covered her with the blanket she had put over the couch when they had decorated.

"Smells good," she said smiling at her husband as he opened up several cartons of food in front of her.

"I came in to talk to you but you were out like a light, did the kids keep you up all night?" he said as he sat down next to her kissing her on the forehead while rubbing her swollen belly.

"Yes your children are demons who wanted pickles at three in the morning, as they danced on my bladder," she told him as she leaned into his arms. "But I love them anyway."

"I know you do, sorry I couldn't go with you today, I have an emergency surgery, but tell me what the doctor said."

"Bedrest, she put me on bedrest… she's a freaking monster."

"That means I can check up on you every minute of every day until they come," he said smiling.

"Whatever," she grumbled. If there was one thing Riley hated was sitting still for too long because it meant that she wasn't doing anything. She was also going blow up even more and for someone who worked in fashion it bothered her, even though she was normally happy to be pregnant but her hormones were all over the place.

That night they ate and watched a movie on the television Lucas kept in the office before going up to their bedroom and falling asleep.

In the coming weeks as Riley's due date came closer and closer Lucas slowly started freaking out if she had so much as walked to the master bathroom. He thought bedrest meant that she couldn't move at all and every time she tried he took her hand and ushered her back to bed.

"Riley, you shouldn't be moving around so much," he would say and she would roll her eyes.

As she entered her final month it had gotten to be too much and her hormones only made it worse.

"Lucas so help me if you don't stop babying me I'm going to stab you with this pickle," she said as she dipped the mentioned pickle into a jar of peanut butter.

"I just want you to be rested and happy Riley," he said rubbing her shoulders.

"Why are you up here anyway, don't you have patients to look after?"

"Zay kicked me out," he murmured to her. "He said I was getting worse."

"Of course you were, because you're worrying too much about me and not about your job," she grumbled. "I'm allowed to move Lucas, the doctor said I can walk around, she said I was allowed some exercise."

"I know sweetheart, it's just that I'm… I'm afraid of anything happening to you or to the babies and I get this weird urge just to take care of you."

"Please stop, it's getting to be too much lately, Lucas I can't even go to the bathroom in the middle of the night without you freaking out on me."

He sighed before sitting down next to her on the couch in their living room, he looked defeated but also very tired.

"You should get some sleep Lucas," she said taking his hand and kissing it. "You look like you haven't slept in days."

"Sorry," he said as he stretched out on the couch as she stretched herself over the chaise while running her fingers through his hair. She noticed that he needed a haircut, and to shave off the beard he had been growing because he hadn't thought about taking care of himself while she was on bedrest.

Riley watched a movie while Lucas slept, after a while a small throbbing pain started nagging her, automatically thinking that it was the babies making her want to go to the bathroom she slowly moved Lucas's head onto a pillow before sliding off the couch.

Once she was on her feet the pain took over and she noticed the trickling of blood going down her legs.

"Lucas," she said mortified by what she was seeing, the doctor had told her that when her water broke that the liquid would be clear but what she was seeing was red. The pain lanced through her and she felt her knees buckle as she fell to the floor. She screamed out waking Lucas almost immediately.

"Riley what's wrong," he said before seeing her on the floor and rushing towards her. His phone in his hand.

"Lucas something's wrong," she said as she grabbed onto his hand and squeezed.

"Hang on I'm calling 911," he said as he put the phone to his ear.

Riley didn't hear the phone call because she was so busy trying not to scream.

Lucas couldn't believe what was happening, Riley was in so much pain and he couldn't figure out what to do other than calling an ambulance. There had been blood on the floor, when he had woken up. He felt so stupid for even giving into her request but he knew that she worried about him as much as he did about her. Except now it was killing him.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"Hi my name is Lucas Friar, my wife has gone into labor and there's blood coming from her body with the amniotic fluid," he said as calmly as he could while he was freaking out on the inside.

"Okay Mr. Friar, we're sending an ambulance your way right this moment."

As he listened to the operator list what he had to do, and as he gave them his address Riley was whimpering on the floor. He couldn't believe this was happening, they had been so careful, he had been so careful, but the universe always had other plans for them and he couldn't stop the fear that was gripping him from the inside.

He had activated the messenger thread that Riley had set up for the moment that she went into labor as soon as the ambulance had arrived. Zay was in charge of grabbing their bags in case of emergency and as the EMT's pulled Riley to the ambulance Lucas had seen the look on his best friend's face.

When they arrived at the hospital they had taken Riley directly into surgery leaving Lucas to pace the hallway until the nurses had made him sit in the waiting room. The doctor had said that one of the twins was in distress and that's why Riley was bleeding, it was a warning sign and one that thankful they had gotten to in time, but now Riley was hemorrhaging blood and they were working to stop it. Both of the babies were being monitored in case of any further complications, they had told them that the umbilical cord had wrapped itself around their son as he was turning which had caused the distress.

Riley's parents had shown up minutes after he had sent the message, Zay being the one to send out the information that Lucas should have sent. He was grateful to his best friend for that because Lucas didn't have the capacity to worry about anyone but Riley at that moment, and even now as he paced worried waiting for news on his wife he didn't have the capacity to think of anything else. It wasn't until his parents had shown up that Lucas began to fear the worse, because his parents had been more than two hours away when the call went out.

The doctors took him to see his twins, both of which were moving around in their small cribs, which they assured him was a good sign. He had held both of their hands for a short moment before he broke down crying. They had worked so hard to get to where they were in live only for this moment to break him completely. Riley was his whole world, and his babies were his life, and if he lost one how would he cope… he wasn't sure if he could.

His mother and his mother-in-law had both pulled him into a hug as he cried next to his children, as the others waited outside for news on Riley. He sobbed into his mother's shoulder as Mrs. Matthews ran her hand through his hair crying softly next to him. They stayed that way until the doctor had found them ten minutes later.

"Your wife is in the ICU Mr. Friar, we got the bleeding under control and she's going to be fine, the twins are doing alright as well. We were worried about oxygen at first but thanks to your quick thinking they're not going to have any problems. We'll monitor them for the next couple of days but they're going to be alright."

Riley was in a small room alone in the ICU, the doctor had the babies put into the room next to her while Lucas held her hand. She was asleep, but the tubes coming out of her body made him nervous. He didn't want to hurt her more than she was already hurting, so he sat himself in a plastic chair in between his kids and his wife. He had fallen asleep holding Riley's hand while his head rested on plastic piece of the crib the twins were in.

That's how Riley found her husband when she woke up, her voice croaked "Hi," as she tried to wake him, squeezing his hand.

"Hey," he said smiling.

"Hi," she said smiling back at him.

"Everything is going to be alright," he said kissing her on her forehead.

* * *

 **Five Years Later**

* * *

Riley had quit her job at the magazine after they wouldn't let her take some time off to take her twins to Disney World on a family vacation, she had been asking for the time off for two years and every year they had given her another excuse to keep her from going away for so long. They loved her, she was known as one of the best fashion writers in the country, but when it started interfering with her family she had to say no. Her kids were going to start kindergarten in the fall and she wanted one family vacation before then.

"Are you sure about this?" Lucas asked as they loaded up the taxi with their luggage. He had been asking every day since she had quit.

"Yes Lucas I'm sure," she smiled at him. "Plus I got an offer for another job and this one is very comfortable and flexible so I'm alright with that."

The other job was for a parenting magazine that wanted her to write about being a mom, they didn't want a lot from her, she didn't have to travel all over the world at random times and she could be with her kids. She also started writing a book about growing up, with the same life lessons her father used to give her growing up. It was called Girl Meets World, and she was proud of it. In some ways it was a memoir in others it was just about a girl growing up in the big city.

"As long as you won't regret it."

"I won't because in the end all I need is you being all protective of your family, you western hero you, and my kids who keep me going no matter what. My love and my family."

"I love you Riley."

"I love you too Lucas."


	13. Through Her Eyes

**Through Her Eyes**

* * *

 **Prompt: It's been over a year since Maya last spoke to Riley, the triangle broke apart their friendships, Lucas won't talk to any of them, Farkle transferred to a different school, and Maya has gotten new friends, she's the popular girl in school, she sits at the popular table, laughs and smiles with everyone. But is seems as if something has been missing from her life something that has been missing since that fateful night almost two years before. After an accident leaves her unconscious, Maya is sent back to the past to relive everything that happened since yearbook, but through Riley's eyes… and what she sees makes her realize just how big of a mistake she had made by breaking her best friend's heart.**

* * *

 _ **A/N: This is an AU so some things will happen in the same way they had on the show while other things will be completely different. I haven't written a one-shot in a long time… There are a few notes at the bottom.  
**_

* * *

Sophomore year of high school was half way done, and Maya couldn't believe she had gotten as far as she had. Everyone in the school knew who she was, she was popular and as crazy as it sounds she had good enough grades that she didn't worry about disappointing her mother. But as the year came to a close she felt something pulling at her heart, something that had been missing since middle school and she couldn't understand why everything had ended the way it had. It happened the year before as well right around the holidays, as the lights around the city began to glow with festive fairy lights, and those little pop up shops appeared everywhere.

She missed Riley.

The one person that had always been there for her, through the hurt and the pain of her father leaving, through the uncertain times she had once had with her mother, through the good and the bad. She couldn't figure out where everything went wrong and she lost her best friend, everything had been fine until the summer after the end of middle school. After those two months had passed without Riley who had spent it with her brother at their grandparents' place. Everything changed after that, Riley had let go of their friendship, Farkle had gone to Einstein Academy with Smackle, Lucas stopped talking to everyone, and Zay just tried his best between the bunch of them. They all separated from one another, and Maya couldn't understand why it had happened.

At the end of the first month of freshman year Maya went to see Riley to ask about what had happened and why she wasn't talking to them, to talk about what was happening. Their friendship ring, Riley's ring was sitting on the center of the bay window, pillows no longer there no bears, no stuffed animals, no color at all. The window was bare, a curtain covering it from the room, she couldn't see into Riley's room anymore, the windows had been sealed shut.

It had hurt Maya, more than she let anyone see, but instead of dwelling on how everyone in her life abandoned her, she pushed forward and moved on. Just like when her father had left so long ago. She no longer saw the Matthews, unless she went to see her mother at Topanga's. She didn't talk about them, she moved on because she didn't want to deal with what had happened. She sealed her heart away… she didn't need these people.

Yet when the holidays came she could feel the pain in her heart, the pain of something missing. Christmas with the Matthews, seeing Josh and acting like she was cool and mature, talking with Riley over hot chocolate at the bay window which was covered in decorations. It hurt to think about it, so she tried to push it aside.

Lucas, Zay, and Riley all went to the same school, but they never saw one another, she never saw any of them at all, the school was too big. Some days she swore she saw the flutter of Riley's long brown hair, the top of Lucas's blonde hair in the crowd, or she could hear Zay's loud voice in the hallway. But they were almost always out of reach. So, she stopped looking for them, and started living her life. Art Club, choir, drama club, keeping herself busy was the way to go.

Everything was going to be fine.

Until it wasn't.

It had happened on December 8th of all days, Riley's birthday, Maya hadn't been paying too much attention as they finished the sets for the school play. Romeo and Juliet. The memory had been playing at the back of her mind, Riley and Lucas that moment just before he kissed her as she lay dead in the play. Just before Farkle interrupted everyone just so he could stop Lucas from kissing Riley. It had been during happier days, in what felt like another world. She knew that she shouldn't have been distracted, she should have been paying attention, she should have heard them calling out to her telling her to jump away. Instead a piece of the set fell on her and knocked her unconscious.

* * *

And this is the story of how Maya learned the truth about what happened to her friendship

* * *

When Maya woke up she was looking out into Riley's bedroom, the room before the forced remodel, before Riley had wanted her room to grow up with her. With bright colors, and swatches of purple and blues all over. She was confused, why was she in Riley's room, but as her body began to move Maya had realized that she wasn't in control.

 _I want to show you,_ a voice said to her. _The truth of how your friendships ended._

Maya was confused, she couldn't understand why this was happening, but as Riley jumped up and smiled into the mirror, looking at a picture of her and Lucas from their first date, and then a picture of her, Maya and Josh at Christmas, Maya had realized that if she was being shown something, this would help her understand her friendship with Riley and what had gone wrong.

So, she watched, as the day went by, it was the day of the yearbooks, the day where Maya had been named best couple with Lucas. That's when she felt something inside of her breaking, but it wasn't her emotions… they were Riley's. Maya couldn't understand it, she had lived through this moment with Riley, so why would it cause her best friend pain. But she watched through Riley's eyes, and felt the hurt inside of her, as Maya's image stood in front of Lucas and ha-hurred at him, made comments to him. All the while the twinge of pain went through her body.

Maya couldn't take the hurt anymore she wanted to close her eyes, to shut out the world, but she couldn't because she was connected to Riley and through that connect she was seeing what she had missed.

She watched as Riley turned dark, and as Maya herself turned into Riley, and there it was again, the hint of pain. The moment Lucas's eyes had met Maya's own, the moment where it hadn't mattered to the whole class that Riley was no longer Riley because Maya could be Riley. She watched as Riley watched Lucas interacting with Maya. And when Maya heard the words.

"Aww, Lucas, you're a very sweet guy. That's why I always liked you since I fell onto your lap on the subway. It's why we should have been favorite couple. Because we're so much alike. You know, it's like we're two sunshiney people from the same sunshiney family. That's why I like you so much. It's like you're my brother. Oh. It's like he's your," Maya heard herself say.

"What," Riley had said but the pain inside of Riley intensified.

The rest of the conversation blurred out, she couldn't hear it over the dull roar around her, the pain of her feelings being pushed aside. This was where it had started, where their friendship had that first real crack in its foundation, this is where Maya realized as she watched the world through Riley's eyes, this is where she had lost her best friend.

Slowly as the memories flooded through her, as the days passed by, she saw it, the small moments where the cracks began to form. The next happened with the semi-formal, with Lucas not asking her, but the pain became worse after a conversation with Riley's uncle and his friend, after Riley had seen Lucas dancing with Maya's physical form. Each passing day the pain slowly grew, as Maya watched on, seeing the world through Riley's eyes. Acting like Riley during the yearbooks, was nothing like being Riley, like watching the world slowly crumble in front of you.

Riley tried to make herself happy, she had her little awards ceremony after school, she danced around, she skipped in front of everyone. But suddenly the smiles slowly became fake, slowly Riley began to fade away whenever she was alone. When no one else was around.

That's when the messages began, the texting, the painful moments, a bully.

There was a part of Riley she had never seen during those days, a part of her that Maya should have known, a piece of her best friend that had been hidden away. As Riley stood in front of her mirror every morning before Maya would show up to pick her up for school.

"I am Riley Matthews," she would begin. "I'm a good person, I can get through the day, I can be happy… I'm fine… I'm fine…"

The mantra would begin every morning as she got up and got dressed for school. They helped Riley with the bully, but in the end Riley had been better about hiding things than Maya could have given her credit for. She had once believed that Riley was perfect, that she couldn't lie to anyone, but as the days passed she hadn't realized just how wrong she had been about her best friend. Every morning Riley would tell herself that she was good enough, but would cry herself to sleep at night. With each day Maya could feel the broken pieces of her best friend begin to grow. When they saved the art program, just the act of Lucas saying that he wanted Maya to be happy, a moment shared between the two blondes, had cause a bit of pain. But Riley hid it well, she hid everything.

Once she became a cheerleader, the pain didn't go away, but it dulled because she was at practice, surrounded by others. She was making new friends, but in the back of her mind it was there, the doubt that anyone truly liked her.

Everything was building up to a single moment, and Maya knew this, but she couldn't figure out where it was, or where it was coming from. And then, they were in Texas, and Riley understood what Maya had been feeling, slowly everything within Riley shattered into a million pieces. Even though on the outside she acted like nothing was wrong, and smiled like everything would be alright. She saw the moment through Riley's eyes as she told the world about Maya's feelings, as she walked away to give Maya and Lucas a moment.

"I can give him up," she whispered to herself. "Maya deserves to be happy, and if it's with Lucas… if it's with Lucas it'll be fine," she hiccuped as she tried to regain in her emotions.

Then it happened, something Maya had never known, Riley had seen it, that almost moment between her and Lucas. Riley had walked back to the campfire, she had forgotten her phone and wanted to use it to listen to music. That's when she saw it, the moment that would define what would happen to them for the rest of the year. Her best friend had known it had happened all along, and all that was left was the feeling of Riley turning around and running as fast as she could. She continued to run until she was far enough from the house, from the campfire, from everyone she knew, and the one boy she loved, she ran until the only sound she could hear were the huffs from the horses, and the sounds of the cows in the pasture.

And when she was sure that no one was around… she cried out to the world, until her voice was hoarse and her body shook.

As Maya watched, and saw everything happening through her best friend's eyes, she realized just how far gone their friendship had become. The cracks in the foundation were permanently going to be there. For the rest of their lives. There was no going back from this.

So, in the days since they returned to New York, in the days where the truth was revealed to the whole class, Riley's mantra had slowly become her way of reminding herself that she was allowed to be in pain even for just a little while.

Maya felt the pain, the fractures within Riley growing, as Riley's own mother passed her along to Maya so that someone else could deal with the problem, as her father tried to teach lessons to them about growing up and moving on. As their friends started to divide themselves trying to figure out where to stand in this new world. As Riley lied to them each and every single day.

Farkle saw, he tried to help, but even he couldn't see where this was all headed, and Maya could kick herself for not realizing it was happening because she was too lost in herself to notice. Lucas had tried to talk to Maya in the same way that he had talked to Riley, because Texas Lucas no longer existed and that was probably the one version of Lucas that Maya could have liked.

Then the moment she hadn't expected, it was strange that she hadn't ever realized that it had happened, but she realized that she never truly knew Riley. The only version of Riley that she knew was the happy go lucky mayor or Rileytown, she hadn't realized so long ago that the reason why Riley always wore shirts with such long sleeves, was because she had been covering something else up.

It started with a cut, it was small, almost as if she had accidentally brushed up against something, a pain to take away a different pain. It didn't happen all of the time, it only happened when things built up, when it became too much to watch Maya and Lucas together. They had all missed the signs, they had all missed everything that had happened. Most of the cuts could be blamed on her clumsiness, she had done them in places where no one would question them. But Maya knew the truth, and she hated herself every moment for it as she watched the days go by.

They only increased when Farkle revealed everything to the whole class, and Maya started playing everything back in her head. She had been too busy looking at herself that she had to look back to see the differences in Lucas as well. Maya in the middle, breaking the two of them apart. Even to this day she couldn't figure out why she had started to like Lucas in the first place, why it had all started in the first place. Why she had hurt her friend so badly. She looked deeper into the recesses of Riley's memories, and saw them, the looks she sent Lucas, thinking no one would see her, the small moments they shared even though Riley had pushed him away.

It was after the end of the year, the end of middle school, when she had seen someone truly notice something was wrong. That someone was Josh, who Maya hadn't seen since that day after she had seen him in the dorm when she had made Riley sneak out. The day she told her mother the truth about her sneaking out and making Riley cover for her. Josh who still made her heartbeat just little faster than most boys out there.

"I messed up," Maya whispered into the void of her own mind.

Maya watched as Josh pulled Riley aside and pulled up her sleeves, his face filled with horror as he saw the scars. The one everyone else dismissed as a part of her clumsiness, he didn't say a word, instead pulling Riley into a hug and running his hands up and down her back as Riley broke down into tears. Everyone else nearby, close enough that if they had been paying attention they would have noticed that something was wrong. That something had been wrong for so long and they had all missed it.

Instead he pulled her into her bedroom and closed the door, and for the first time since this had all started Maya wished that she could close the gates into Riley's life and pull away.

"Since when," Josh said once Riley had stopped crying.

"Since just before new year's," she whispered to him, and all Josh could door was look at her with nothing but sadness in his eyes.

"You need to tell me everything, from the beginning Riley, because I want to help you so I want to know what could have caused all of this," he said pulling her towards the bay window.

Maya watched Josh's face as Riley told him every detail of every moment that had happened in the time since he had last seen them. He had been too busy with school, working part-time with his father and getting ready for NYU to be able to go back to New York for even a short while. And from the look on his face, he had hated himself for it, because he had missed the chance to help Riley, to help their friendships.

"How about you spend the summer with me and your grandparents in Philly," he said after she had finished.

Riley had spent the summer with her grandparents, and her little brother, after Josh had yelled at his own brother for missing everything that had actually happened. He yelled at both of the Matthews for not realizing just how much pain Riley had been in, because in the end it was easier to ignore the harsh reality than deal with it head on. No amount of lessons inside of a classroom would have prepared them for what had been happening. He yelled at them for paying more attention to the kids that their daughter was friends with over her, he yelled at them for not being there when she had needed them the most.

"You shouldn't have let her go to Texas in the first place without an adult there," Josh had said before rushing off Riley to her room to help her pack.

There had been a fight between the brothers, but in the end, they had all realized just how much they had missed in the months since Texas.

 _Do you see?_ The voice said. _Do you see how much you have missed?_

* * *

When Riley went to sleep that night, Maya had woken up in the hospital, a bandage on her head and her mother standing over her, as worry marred her face. She remembered everything, and she wasn't sure just how much of it had been real.

"Momma," Maya said looking up at her mother's relieved face. "I think I messed up."

Her mother didn't say anything, Maya wasn't sure if either of them knew what to say, but in some way Maya understood that her mother had known about what was happening all along and had said nothing. Why would she, Maya and Riley hadn't been friends in a long long time.

Maya watched as the doctors checked her out, worried about whether she needed to be kept for observation. In the end they moved her into a room and her mother sat down beside her, a look of sadness on her face.

"I know about Riley," Maya said looking out towards the wall hoping to make herself as invincible as possible. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't my place," her mother said after a long moment had passed. "The Matthews had asked me to take care of the café, they weren't going to be able to run it for a while, they told me that they needed to take care of their kids. I knew something was wrong, but they told me that I shouldn't tell you because they were afraid of how you would react."

"So, keeping me in the dark was better?"

"No, but in the end, that had been Riley's decision. She wanted time to heal, to get pass everything that had happened, because she wanted you to be happy."

Maya looked at her mother as the words sunk into the recesses of Maya's mind, she only saw everything up to the day Riley had left, she didn't know what had happened afterwards. She didn't know what Riley had decided to do, everything was meant to show Maya that something had happened, the rest was up to Maya to decide.

A knock on the door drew her from her thoughts, as a familiar blonde boy stood in front of her door, his face filled with worry and sadness.

"I'll leave you two alone," her mother said before patting her on her knee. "I'll be down the hall getting some coffee."

Her mother left them alone, and Maya couldn't help but wonder what Farkle's part in all of this had been. She remembered him knowing about Riley holding back, on her feelings on telling them the truth but she didn't know how far it went.

"Hey," he said before sitting down in the chair her mother had been sitting in not too long ago.

"Farkle," she said as fresh tears fell down her face. "I'm sorry for being a bad friend."

"Maya you're not a bad friend," he said but she shook her head.

"I was a bad friend to Riley, I hurt her, and in the end, I didn't see what she had done to herself."

"Maya, we all missed it," he said before taking her hand. "It's the reason why I went with Smackle to Einstein Academy instead of going with you all. I felt ashamed for missing it and I ran away instead of standing beside her."

"How long did it take for you to find out about her cutting herself, about her depression, about everything?"

"Too long, I noticed just before graduation, around the time you three had decided on just trying to be friends, and it hadn't been working for any of you. I noticed only because she had messed up and cut herself somewhere that was impossible for her to get a cut on unless it had been deliberate."

"And you ran," she said softly as he nodded.

"I didn't know what to do, but she got help, even if it hadn't been from any of us."

"Except Lucas had spiraled out of control because of it," she murmured but Farkle had stiffened next to her. "What is it?"

"Lucas doesn't know," Farkle said, sighing to himself. "Zay and I decided to keep it from him because he was already in pain. He missed Riley, and he couldn't figure out where everything went wrong, and he went and got himself drunk on something."

"Why didn't I hear about this?" she asked shocked about being kept out of the loop on something else. She had hurt them both in her quest to find herself.

"It was right after Riley had left for her grandparents, we didn't tell either of you because she asked us not to, she told me she wanted to figure somethings out, except when she came back everything had gone to hell and she was in therapy. Lucas is still working on himself, I hang out with him and Zay sometimes, but without Riley there I think he's always going to look for that anchor."

The tears started coming out, she had been the one to push Riley away the most, after she had come back, just because Riley hadn't spoken to her, because Riley had spent the whole summer without her, without telling her where she had gone. She had felt abandoned by her best friend and in the end, didn't speak to her until it had been too late. Riley hadn't forgotten her, she just didn't want to burden her with what had been happening. All it had taken was three months of radio silence to make her feel like she had lost her friends.

"How did you know I was here?" she said wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Riley sent me a message," he said to her. "Maya, I know what you're thinking and Riley didn't abandon you, she was hurt and confused and so much was happening to her at the exact same time as the yearbooks, and the semi-formal, and well Texas."

"I was too wrapped up in myself," she interrupted him.

"We all were, we all had our own lives outside of our friendships, outside of school, we were all trying, the problem is that in the end, we sometimes miss something important."

"When did you get all grown up?"

"When I realized I had abandoned you," he said before pulling her into a hug. "You can fix this, the first step is to talk to her, and Lucas, and Zay, because we all need to start fresh."

"Where do I start?"

"Well that librarian had told Riley back in seventh grade to start at page one, so maybe that's where you start. Except go through the front door, the window isn't open right now."

"Thanks, Farkle," she said giving him a small smile.

"It's my job as your ex-husband," he said with a laugh.

* * *

Maya had been out of the hospital for three days before she had gathered enough courage to speak to Riley. In those three days she had blamed herself for a lot of things that had happened, but in the end of it all what had been the real problem was communication. As close as Riley and Maya had been, they never really talked about what they felt, instead they hid it behind masks until it bubbled over enough for someone to notice.

She knocked on the Matthews' apartment door, someone had left through the front door as she had walked up so she had used it as an opportunity to take her time until she wanted to knock on their door. Now she stood there as Mrs. Matthews opened the door and gave her a wide smile.

"I was wondering when you would be back," Mrs. Matthews said before opening the door for her. "Riley's in her room."

"You know this was going to happen?" Maya said shocked for a moment.

"Yes, we all did, especially after Riley had started therapy, because in the end it was up to the both of you to mend your friendship."

"But she locked the bay window, she took off her ring."

"Yes, but she left it there for you, in your spot, waiting for the moment when you would both be ready for this moment," Mrs. Matthews said as she closed the door and led Maya towards Riley's room. "Time for the both of you to talk, without interruptions."

Maya nodded and stood there for a moment as Mrs. Matthews walked away. Maya could feel in her heart that this was a long time coming, she knew that she should have come back again and again but she had been left behind before so she hadn't tried. She opened the door and saw Riley sitting at the bay window waiting for her with a small smile on her face.

"I heard you coming up here with my mom," she said as she slowly pulled on the frayed edges of her ripped jeans. Maya watched as she took in the new appearance of her once best friend. Her short bob haircut, an oversized sweater, things she would never have thought Riley would wear. "I haven't sat on this window in a long time."

"I guess you were waiting for me to come back," Maya said with a smile. "Ring power?"

"Ring power," Riley answered before she started to cry.

"Riley I'm sorry," Maya started but Riley held her hand up.

"My therapist tells me I need to learn to talk about things better," Riley started before patting the seat next t to hers. "She tells me that I can't hold on to things because it hurts."

"Do you talk about me?"

"Sometimes," she answered with a shrug, "We talk about my family, my friends, you and Lucas, actually Lucas started going with me a few months ago after I stopped him from getting into a fight."

"Are you two… together?" Maya asked wondering if they had repaired their relationship without her knowing. She wasn't jealous, she was more worried, because he wouldn't have started down this spiral if they had all just stayed together and worked out their problems. But that was the past, and if Farkle was right they had to start at page one for the second time.

"We're kind of unofficial again," Riley said smiling at her. The same smile she had once had long ago. "We're taking it slow, and talking like we used to, but for now it's one step at a time."

"That's good," Maya said smiling back. "I realized that what I had felt a long time ago wasn't the same as what you two have."

"I want to know something," Riley asked her. "How did you find out?"

"I don't know some," she said, it was the same question she had been asking herself for days since she had woken up in the hospital. "Cosmic power made me see everything through your eyes and from there, I guess I realized that I missed a lot of things."

"I'm sorry for not tell you," Riley blurted out.

"I'm sorry for listening to what people were saying," Maya said back realizing that if she hadn't listened to her classmates so long ago none of this would have happened.

"Peer pressure is a bitch," Riley said sighing.

"Since when do you curse?"

"Well, it's still new," she laughed. "Blame watching action movies with my dad and Lucas."

"I feel like I missed out on a lot," Maya said pulling her legs to her chin. "I was too hurt by everything to figure out that I had missed so much."

"Yeah well it took a long time for me to get to where I am now, I mean I have the scars to prove it, but it took a lot of work."

"You don't cut yourself, anymore right?"

"I don't," she said before rubbing her hands up and down her arms. "I have the urge sometimes, especially when I miss my best friend, or when I feel like the world is watching me and judging me, but I have a support system in place. I start by texting Lucas, and if he's not around I go to my mom, or I email my therapist."

"My mom knew about all of this, and she didn't tell me," Maya said wondering where she had lost control over her own life.

"It wasn't her story to tell, but in the end, you were always going to come back I knew that for sure."

They spent the next two hours catching up with one another, filling in the gaps in their lost year and a half, Riley telling her about her time in Philly with her grandparents, about the family dinners with her parents and her brother and the work they had to do to get to where they were. She told Maya about the hardest times she had faced, and learning to live with the scars from her decision to cut herself. Maya told her about her clubs, and he classes, about how she had grown closer to her mother, and lived without her friends by making new ones.

"I missed you Riley," she said after a while.

"I missed you too peaches, but I think we had to go through all of this in order to find a stronger part of ourselves."

"So, what now?"

"Now we move forward, it's a new beginning so we find a middle ground and keep moving until we're comfortable."

"Can I go with you and Lucas to therapy?"

"Sure, we'll bring Farkle, Zay, and Smackle too, it's time we finally find our happy middle, after a rocky beginning."

"I hope so too."

* * *

 _ **A/N: This was an idea, of a reality based reaction towards the triangle, but mixing in all of the things that could escalate to this. The bullying included. Why did I write this? I grew up in an environment where people swore my family was happy, where both parents worked and raised their children. An environment where my own family missed the fact that I had been bullied relentlessly throughout middle school, where I developed self-esteem issues, where I self-medicated myself as a way to try and kill myself because the pressure had been too much. I received death threats even in high school, where one person said to my face that they would kill me because they had believed that it had been my fault that they had been kicked out of a summer program. I have anxiety because of this, I suffered from depression (although now it's more well managed), and I have issues with the world at large to the point where it's hard to truly trust others. It takes a long time for me to pull down those walls and feel normal, but I try my best.  
**_

 _ **So, when I started writing this story I wanted to make it as realistic as possible, and the most realistic thing is that something like this would break Riley from the inside out, but it would also break their friendships to the point where none of them would speak to one another again. The person who the story would be viewed from would blame themselves no matter what, because in the end we will always blame ourselves if something were to happen to someone close to us and we couldn't do something to stop it. Although I gave it a happy ended because I will always wish for that happy ending for myself.  
**_

 _ **The other side of this is that I handed in my master's thesis on Tuesday, a thesis project which is a memoir about my time in middle school and high school and how I dealt with bullying. So now I think I'm projecting it into this story…. I don't know if it's a good thing or not, I don't know if people will like it, but in the end, it's just one story in an endless amount of stories.**_


	14. The Trick is to Keep Breathing

_**A/N: Okay, so I was trying to ease myself back into fanfiction, because my writing sample was a little crazy, so I thought a one-shot would do, because I've been meaning to write Riley's side of Through her eyes... this is 15,000 words... I didn't expect it to be this long... I honestly don't know how it happened, and it took three days to write and now I'm just tired. I'm working on getting back into the groove of writing, so that by Christmas I can have everything I'm backlogged in done, well at least Season 6 and a few other things that I was going to write for the marvel fandom, (there's a few one shots and a story for them that I've been plotting as a part of my post Infinity War series). There's also Rucas Holiday Bingo Post coming, and if you're reading this and want to know what that is go to my tumblr and add this to the url ( /post/179672473282/rucas-holiday-bingo ) on my tumblr to find out.**_

 _ **It's not going to be fast, I'm still doing a lot of things all at once, but I'm determined to keep now enjoy this angst fueled one shot, that was painful to write, but very much worth it in the end.**_

* * *

 **The Trick is to Keep Breathing: Riley's Journey**

When it first happened, when that pain in her heart had started, she wasn't sure what to do, everyone around her was happily joking about everything. They said things about Maya and Lucas having a fire, while what Riley only had the spring rain, she was Most Likely to Smile Herself to Death, she was just Riley, and Riley could never be Maya. Everyone loved Maya, and everyone loved Maya with Lucas even though they had all seen Riley and Lucas together, working on their relationship, working on just being themselves.

"Who am I really?" she asked herself as she stood in the bathroom after not being able to deal with the whole yearbook situation.

Her reaction was the same as Farkle's, they decided to become other people, because if they were so quick to take away everything from her, to judge her based everything that made her who she was, why shouldn't she embrace the darkness just a little. So, she darkened her room, her clothes, and gave herself a whole new outlook. No one cared in the end because Maya showed up dressed as Riley, and if Maya could be Riley and still have Lucas than it didn't matter. To them all that mattered was getting the best of both, with just one of them.

Then Lucas walked in and started freaking out, because Maya had changed as well, and Lucas just wanted everyone to be themselves. Who she was mattered to him, but then there was a small moment between him and Maya, and after that Maya started talking, in the way that she thought

"Aww, Lucas, you're a very sweet guy. That's why I always liked you since I fell onto your lap on the subway. It's why we should have been favorite couple. Because we're so much alike. You know, it's like we're two sunshiney people from the same sunshiney family. That's why I like you so much. It's like you're my brother. Oh. It's like he's your," Maya heard herself say.

"What," she had heard everything Maya had said and could only feel the rushing of blood in her ears, her head screaming. Was this really how Maya saw them? Or how Maya saw Riley?

She wondered if her best friend had ever truly paid attention to her, or if all those moments where she was sure that the other girl was listening, she had only heard what she had wanted to hear. It hurt... everything hurt. She wanted to scream and yell and say that this wasn't how she felt about Lucas. She liked the way that Lucas and her relationship was, because they were only in middle school, it shouldn't be fast and crazy like Darby and Yogi, it should be slow and careful. Even her parents hadn't taken thing very fast, they had years together, they had time, but for some reason, everyone was pushing for everything to happen or else they would move onto the next best thing.

So, she talked to Maya, she turned back into her old self, but now it felt fake and weird, but only because it felt as if she was attempting to be herself and ignore everything else that had happened. Everyone still wanted Maya and Lucas together, Farkle had changed, not too much, but enough to grow, but Riley felt stuck in her own body in her own thoughts. She was stuck being who everyone wanted her to be, with who they wanted her to be with, all without thinking about what she had wanted. They had her father's life lessons, they had an inside track into her life, but it felt like they never really understood her, they never saw who she was.

When Lucas hadn't asked her to the semi-formal, as the weeks passed and she constantly wondered if he had moved on, but that was impossible because he had always been there next to her. He hadn't asked. Charlie Gardner did, and it felt like he had come out of left field, only for Lucas to say that he had thought that they were going, as if it were an unspoken agreement. Instead she lied, she said she was babysitting, she said anything because in the end, it didn't matter if she went or not. Even if she had wanted to go and dance with Lucas.

She tried to reason with what Maya had thought about what Riley should be feeling, even though she had wanted to be with Lucas. Her feelings were all jumbled up and she couldn't understand it all, but the words still rang in her head, the way others felt about her own relationship with the boy that she's liked for over a year. Maya's words, about them being like brother and sister, even though Riley knew it wasn't true. She was letting everyone else's feelings and thoughts into her mind, and there was no more room for Riley anymore. Not when everyone else's opinions existed in the same place as hers.

That was when Uncle Eric had brought his friend Jack to the semi-formal, Jack who was shocked that her parents had a daughter, Jack who had gone through being in love with a person who had seen him as someone they could love and his Uncle Eric as a brother.

"Keep your friends around as long as you can. That's the best choice you can make" Jack had told her, but it only made it more difficult to think about everything else. Too much had happened, her feelings for Lucas had only grown which had scared her just a little more. Her past insecurities about who she was, and who she could be, what everyone though was true about her and what was really true.

She felt as if she were drowning in her own thoughts, and instead of asking for help or saying anything she threw herself into helping everyone else. The art program was in trouble, she needed to help Maya, but even Lucas saying that Maya deserved to be happy had hurt her. She knew it was true, Maya did deserve happiness, but in her mind those words had just become something else that pushed Lucas away from her. She was becoming certain that everyone had been right about Lucas and Maya being together, but then Farkle had his genius party and Lucas had smiled at her and it felt like the world was righting itself just a little. He faked proposed, even though it was for Farkle's benefit, but it felt real to Riley, it was stupid, she was sure but even for just a moment it felt nice. So, she helped Farkle and Smackle, she helped them with their problems, and helped push them just a little bit closer, because it mattered to her that at least someone would find a form of happiness even when she felt like she was drowning.

Just when it felt like something was going right in the world, even if it wasn't her world, everything came crumbling down. It all started with a text message, just a single sentence, and then another, and another. Somehow this person had gotten her phone number, but it felt as if they knew just what to say to kick her when she was down. Calling her ugly and stupid, telling her that all of her friends will one day leave her because she didn't deserve them.

She began to wake up in the mornings, looking at herself in the mirror, and all she could see were the imperfections. "I am Riley Matthews," she began, it had become her mantra in the mornings just before Maya came to pick her up. "I'm a good person, I can get through the day, I can be happy… I'm fine… I'm fine…"

Some days it would work, but most days as the bullying began to get worse it would only remind her that she wasn't fine, and no one noticed. She didn't want to be a burden to anyone, she didn't want to tell them what was happening to her, so she held it all inside, having her award shows, smiling at everyone like normal. But even those small things had become ammunition, until it finally spilled over and she ended up yelling at Maya over it all. Rileytown was up in flames, and there was no saving it anymore. Lucas was furious about it all, ripping open the counters at the café, Farkle and Zay tried their best, and she spilled everything to Maya. Only to have the reminders there in the background, the thoughts still in her head. They weren't going to go away over night, they were only going to get worse.

The only thing that made it just a little bit better was becoming a cheerleader, even though everyone doubted her ability to actually achieve her goal. When it happened, she couldn't help but feel like something had finally started to go right, that finally she could have something for herself. So, she worked hard, she smiled with everyone, they helped her with the routines, with her clumsiness, they wanted her to be a cheerleader not only in name. It still felt like she was putting on a show, but it was something she could control.

It felt like the world was finally righting itself around her, so she worked with Maya and Zay to get Lucas to defeat Tombstone, who she had thought was a sheep, but was really a giant bull. It scared her that she had put Lucas in that kind of danger, but he wanted to be able to overcome his fears and he wanted her to be there for him. So, she pushed her fear aside to be strong for him, except Maya freaked out and stormed off, and after Lucas had fallen, Riley realized something, and it changed everything.

Maya liked Lucas.

The piece she had so carefully put together after the bullying incident, had started to crack once again, they never really healed to begin with, but she pushed them aside, she pushed herself aside to give her best friend a small form of happiness. She pushed the boy that she had been falling for towards her best friend, lying to him, hurting him, just so that he could find happiness in what everyone believed was real. That fire between Maya and him. The spring rain would just have to go away, she didn't matter as long as Maya was happy for once. So, she told the world at the campfire and ran off as fast as she could before anyone could say anything. Her heart shattering even more, because it didn't matter as long as they were happy. She kept the tears away long enough to make it to the house only to realize that she had left her phone behind, she had felt stupid for leaving it because it meant that she couldn't drown her feelings in the music she had on there.

Turning back, she walked towards the fire, everyone should still be there so it wouldn't matter if she walked back for her phone. But when she got there, the only people left had been Maya and Lucas, and Riley stood there watching it as if it were a train wreck, as if there was a total eclipse and she wanted to go blind. As Lucas held Maya's face in a way that he had never held Riley's. The pieces of her heart no longer existed, and all that had been left was pain. They were shattered beyond repair, and she was certain that she would never have the chance to get them back together. She turned and ran, the moon being her only light as she ran away from the house, from the campfire, from the places where she gave up everything for Maya to be happy. They didn't have to see how it hurt her, how quickly Lucas had moved on, how quickly Maya had pushed aside Riley's feelings and told her how to feel.

It wasn't until her lungs burned from the run, when all she could hear or see were the cows and the horses around her, where she let everything out. Where she felt herself break apart to the point of no return. There weren't enough I'm fine's in the world that would bring everything back together. All there was, was the pain, and her tears as she screamed out into the night, as she tried to catch her breath, as she fell apart where no one would see her, where no one would hear her. They were just kids, they could fall in and out of love at any given moment. It shouldn't have mattered... except it did.

No one said anything on the way home, and she didn't care, nothing really mattered anymore. Everything just felt empty. Even when Maya had admitted to the moment, even when Charlie asked her out, all she could do was go through with the motions. Everyone had gotten what they had wanted, Maya and Lucas could have their fire and Riley would just keep going with nothing but the empty feeling in her heart as she tried to keep going. She tried talking to her mother, but her mother pushed her aside, and gave her to Maya, her mother who would tell Maya stories and give her advice, had pushed her own daughter aside, and it was just another hurtful thing to add to the mountain of feelings breaking her apart. Farkle noticed how Riley had been holding back, and it felt nice for someone to realize that she wasn't fine, but instead of helping her, he gave her an ultimatum. He wanted her to keep Maya from finding happiness, he wanted Riley to stop sacrificing herself and to tell the truth, but Riley just asked for time, because she needed to delay it long enough so that she could piece herself back together enough to feel anything but the pain inside of her heart.

It wasn't until just before New Year's, as she planned a party, a ball, acting like everything was normal, when she had first cut herself. It had been an accident, the blade on her razor had broken off, the cut happened as it fell, but the pain in her heart had lessened just a little bit. One pain took away another, it was as simple as that. She found the first aid kit and put a band-aid on the cut, the stinging feeling there making her feel less broken. Instead of throwing the blade away she put a little alcohol on it and cleaned it before wrapping it up in a gauze and putting it in the back of her bedside drawer. She wasn't sure why she did it, but there it was incase everything became too much for her.

The first cut healed, just in time for the party, she told everyone that it had been an accident, they all equated it to Riley being her usual clumsy self. Then Farkle brought up the ticking clock, and the whole couples game threw her for a loop. Before going to the roof, she excused herself, telling everyone that she forgot her scarf in her room before rushing off. Grabbing the first aid kit from the bathroom on her way to her room she dug out the blade and gave herself a tiny cut, it looked like a paper cut, on her finger. Putting a band-aid on it and using the pain to anchor herself to the moment.

Grabbing Farkle she pulled him onto the roof, and told him to give her more time, but he wouldn't budge, and just walked off with Smackle. She wanted to run but first she had to talk to Charlie, she was still a decent enough person, and she wanted him to know that she didn't feel the same way that he did. She should have just left, she should have talked to Charlie at school and gone to her bedroom, instead she did the noble thing, and told him the truth, all the while watching as Maya and Lucas had their moment. The cut hadn't dulled the pain enough, she needed to go back to her room. Just as she attempted to walk towards the door, Farkle spilled the beans, and told everyone they knew the truth about Riley's feelings.

Except he had told them the whole truth, she loved Lucas. It wasn't that she had liked Lucas, no Farkle had exposed everything without thinking of the implications of his words. Everyone ran off, he apologized and left, leaving Riley, Lucas and Maya sitting on the bench as the clock struck midnight and her world was once again flipped upside down. Lucas stayed quiet, Maya said nothing, and all Riley could feel was regret that they didn't have their chance. Lucas shouldn't be with her anymore, she was too broken, Maya would have been better for him.

They left, they went home, none of them talking about the elephant that had been dropped on top of them. Riley went to the bay window and sat there, turning off the lights so that no one knew that she was still awake. All she felt was more pain in her chest, she no longer had a heart, it didn't matter what the pain was. She sat there every time it became too much, because she couldn't cut herself all of the time, it would become too noticeable if all of the first aid supplies disappeared too suddenly.

Weeks went by with the truth hanging over them like the sword of Damocles, always there waiting for it to fall on them, they all ignored it and continued to go on with their lives. They worked on their school projects, they did their science experiments, Riley acted like she would normally, constantly trying to empower everyone. Except when she was at home, the pressure that had been building inside of her had started overflowing, she couldn't hold it in anymore. She brought her own first aid kit, she hid it in her room, she even replaced the blade she had been using. No one noticed if she had more cuts than she usually did, it was cold out she could wear long sleeve shirt, her sweaters, she could hide them. It took the edge off it kept her feelings from overflowing.

One pain took away the others, that's all that mattered, as long as she smiled at the right moments, and didn't look at Lucas too much, everything else would be alright. It didn't matter that he was lab partners with Maya, or that they were helping Maya with her home, or that Farkle had literally put Maya's entire bedroom in his own room. As long as she could act like they remembered her acting, nothing else mattered. As long as they were all happy, she could hide her pain away, they didn't need to know about what she was going through. She didn't want to keep burdening them with her problems, even if somedays she just wanted to yell and scream at them for what she was going through.

Her problems didn't matter as long as they were all smiling.

The day that she had wanted to change the bay window, months after New Year's, had been one of the worse feelings to date. It was when she realized that maybe, just maybe her friendship with Maya was really broken, there was something heavy there. Maya didn't want anything to change, which meant that she wanted to keep Riley's room, and Riley herself the same as when they had first met, because it meant it was a safe space. The problem was that after everything had been change, after she had finished, and her room was more grown up, and everyone was gone, the one thing that hadn't changed were the cuts on her skin. A lot of them had healed, there weren't scars, she had been careful enough, but there were too many from days that she had cut too deep. The scars represented so much about what had changed in her friendship, not only with Maya, but with Lucas and Farkle as well. They could heal but sometimes the broken parts would always be there, visible for the world to see.

Yet no one had noticed at all, they just continued on with their lives as if the rifts didn't exist, as if the pain wasn't there. Then as graduation drew near, Lucas was once again in between her and Maya, asking the most important question. What about what he wanted? Though he only answered for the sake of saving their friendships, Riley knew that there was no coming back from back from where they found themselves. So, she acted one way with them, acting jealous when she had too, acting brave because they needed her too, being the Riley that used to exist in that space before yearbooks when everything changed.

They graduated, and everyone talked about the new school they were going too, they were excited, except Riley couldn't handle it anymore. Too much was boiling over and she couldn't control it. She was home alone for the first time in a long time, sitting in the living room with just the quiet and her breathing. It didn't matter that she didn't have music on or the television, no one was around for her to act around, she could just be quiet and feel like she didn't exist.

Except Josh rushed into the apartment, a smile on his face, he was done with High School just like she was done with Middle School. New Beginnings all around, that's what mattered, she put on a brave face and stood up for a hug, except Josh is very observant, he notices everything. Including her wearing a long sleeve shirt at the beginning of summer. He looked at her in horror, as he saw the scars on her skin, the fresh bandage on her arm, too close to a vein, that when everything flooded through her and she started crying in front of him. The floodgates had opened and she wasn't sure if she could close them ever again. Josh pulled her into his arms, carrying her on her back to her bedroom before sitting her on her bed and holding her close, as he rubbed circles around her back. It felt the same as when her grandmother had taken care of her when she had been little, the summer her mother and father had gone for a second honeymoon. The summer Auggie had been conceived.

It was comfort, something she hadn't really felt for a very long time, and she leaned into it and she cried until there weren't any more tears. Until she was dry heaving as she tried to breathe but it felt like nothing was going in, and everything was being sucked out by an invincible force.

"Since when," Josh asked once Riley had stopped crying. Once she was calm enough to look him in the face.

"Since just before new year's," she whispered to him, and all Josh could do was look at her with nothing but sadness in his eyes.

"You need to tell me everything, from the beginning Riley, because I want to help you so I want to know what could have caused all of this," he said pulling her towards the bay window, the one place that started and ended everything in her life.

She started with the yearbooks and kept going until he knew every little detail of what had happened since she had last seen him the year before. It had felt like time had slowed down as she started talking, detailing everything that had been going on in her life. The whole thing with Lucas and Maya making him sad, because he knew like Riley did, that there was something weird about the timing, especially after her declaration to him just weeks before. She told him about how the first cut had been an accident, but for some reason it felt as if she had done it accidentally on purpose. She told him how she just wanted to dull away one pain just, so she could deal with everything else.

"I should have come here more often," he said once she had finished telling him. "I feel so stupid for staying away, but the whole thing with Maya and school and I needed to save up, I was caught up in my own little world that I forgot that sometimes you need someone that's not your friends or even my brother."

"I'm sorry Josh," she said to him feeling the panic rising up in her for bring up her own problems, she didn't want anyone to have to deal with her, she wanted them to think she was fine even if she wasn't. "I'm… so… sorry," she continued hiccupping as the words came out.

Josh held onto her, "You shouldn't be sorry for what has been happening, but I also don't think it's a good idea for you to be here either."

"What do you mean by that?" she looked at him wondering what he could have been thinking about, it was his last summer before college he shouldn't have to worry about Riley and her problems, he should have the chance to go out and have some fun.

"How about you spend the summer with me and your grandparents in Philly," it was more of a statement than a question. "Riley you need time, time away from all of this, time to heal, time to figure out where you want to be when you get to high school. You need to do something for you and not for everyone else."

"But what about…" he cut her off before she could say anything else.

"You can't keep thinking about other people, you need to think of yourself for once, please Riles, I don't want to hear that you went too far one day," he said and she felt like she had disappointed him, but she also knew that he was right, she needed to stand up on her own again, without the pressure of a love triangle, without people choosing your life for you."

"Okay," she said knowing that he was right, it was time for her to get the help she needed, it was time for her to step back from her own life with her friends and all of the drama and become Riley again. "Can I leave my phone here though?"

"That's up to you, I'm not telling you to cut everyone out, but if that's what you need to do, then right now it's what you have to do."

"No, it's more… if I take it with me I would have a reason to run back here, to come back and fix everything, to tell them about all of it and… and I think that maybe, just maybe, I need to take everything and everyone out of the equation. I don't want to lose them, I love them, but I'm afraid that if I have my phone nothing would really change at all and I'll still be stuck."

They talked a little longer, before Josh pulled out her suitcase and helped her pack things that she would need. He made sure to pack her lightest sweaters, because he knew her and he knew that she wouldn't want her grandparents to worry about her. She just didn't want them to see the scars on her arms, at least just until she was comfortable enough to let others in enough to understand what had been happening.

The closer the time came to when her parents were going to be home, the more jumpy she became, she didn't want to have this conversation with them. Instead Josh had been the one to tell her to stay in her room and let him deal with it. Her now eighteen-year-old uncle was going to fight for her, something she hadn't really had someone do for her in a very long time.

"Let me fight this battle for you Riley," he said to her squeezing her shoulder, "For once let someone else help you, because for a long time now, no one has."

When the door swung open twenty minutes later, she hadn't finished packing everything, they had gotten thirsty and had gone down for drinks. Riley jumped when the door had hit the wall as her parents talked at the door about their day, not really seeing as their daughter was hiding behind her uncle as if she had done something wrong. Even though she hadn't done anything at all that would cause her parents to notice. They hadn't noticed anything to this point, so why would they have noticed if anything had been different.

Riley stood there stock still, as her parents were surprised by Josh being there without them knowing.

"It was supposed to be a surprise," he had said as her father hugged his brother. "But I think I should have been here all along," he continued not hugging back, but making sure that Riley was behind him. She didn't want to be the reason they fought, she didn't want to cause anyone any pain. But she knew she couldn't hide it anymore, not since Josh found her and saw the scars, saw what everyone had missed all along.

"You should always be here, your family," her mother said with a smile as she put her suitcase on the dining room table. Walking over to the stove before setting pots and pans, always getting ready to do something else, to care for her family. Except when she missed the biggest problem happening in Riley's life, most of the time pushing Riley aside to someone else, or for someone else.

"No," Josh said interrupting anything else that her parents could have said. "I mean, I should have been here for Riley, because she needed someone, and no one really saw what was happening, you guys were too blind to it," his voice started rising, and it just made Riley pull on the sleeves of her shirt. "I love you guys but you're so freaking blind to your own daughter, with your life lessons and you paying attention to everyone but her. I can't believe you let her friends deal with her bullying problem instead of handling it yourselves, I can't believe you would let her fall so far down this pit of despair without realizing it was happening, I don't understand how you could be so fucking blind to the girl brought into this world, the girl you raised."

Riley flinched at Josh's harsh words, she had never heard him curse, at least not to her parents, but this was something different. He was being there for her, just like he's always been there, because Josh was so close in age that he noticed a lot more things than her parents ever had.

"Josh don't talk like that, you don't know what's been happening over the last few months, Lucas and Maya," her mother started but Josh huffed out at her.

"Lucas and Maya, more like everyone in school, dictating how everyone should feel because it's better to live through other people's pain than their own, tell me Topanga, what do you actually know about what started all of this? Huh? Do you even understand why Maya all of a sudden started liking Lucas, telling Riley they were siblings, even though I know for a fact that the way Lucas looked at Riley was the same as the way I had been told about the great romance of Cory and Topanga, but of course life and other people get in the way of everything, they corrupt other people's thoughts and in the end how many people had to suffer through all of this?"

"No one suffered, they're kids, they're still figuring this all out, it's only middle school Josh," her father said as if it were normal, but it wasn't, and she saw how Josh's hand trembled a little, he didn't want to reveal anything, but she knew he would have to and it was going to hurt them all.

"Yeah Cory, no one suffered alright, except you let a bunch of middle schoolers go off to Texas on some hair brained quest, and what came back was a shell of your own kid, something you didn't even notice, You shouldn't have let her go to Texas in the first place without an adult there," Josh had said before rushing off Riley to her room to help her finish packing.

He hadn't told them a thing, her secrets were safe at least for now, but it didn't take long until her father stormed into her room, seeing the mess of clothes on her bed, the suitcase near the edge, as her things were slowly put in as carefully as possible. On her dresser, she hadn't realized that Josh had not only pulled out her first aid kit, but all of the blades she had had stored for when things had gotten to be too much. She always took a new one, making sure to never use the same one twice. The old ones, the one stained in her blood, stored in a small container, she had meant to throw them away, but they had become reminders of her deeds, of her misgivings, of her pain.

Her father saw them on the dresser, his eyes wide before looking at Riley in her long sleeve shirt, as he put everything together in his head. His hands shaking as he walked over and gently grabbed her arm before pulling the sleeve up and seeing what everyone had missed for so long. Instead of saying anything he pulled her close, and started crying, which only made her start crying with him.

"I'm sorry daddy," she whispered, but neither said another word after that, her mother walking in and seeing the scene before she realized just what had been happening.

They had let it get out of control, they hadn't paid enough attention, they had missed all of the signs, even though they were there every day. They were too busy, too involved in the lives of her friends, too involved in their own world, that they forgot about their daughter's world. They had thought that she was alright, but in reality, they had missed so much more than they could ever make up for.

So, that summer Riley spent it healing herself, by gardening with her grandmother, working with her grandfather, hanging out with Josh, and talking to Mr. Feeny. Auggie stayed close, he knew something was different, but he was too young to truly understand the severity of it. She didn't talk to Maya, Farkle, Lucas, Zay, or Smackle. She didn't know what was happening with her friends, because she needed to think of herself more than to think about them. Her mother asked Katy Hart to keep an eye on the café, she couldn't be there for a while, only telling her the bare minimum about what was happening and asking for privacy. Riley's mom didn't want anyone to tell Riley's secret, at least not until she was ready to say it herself. It wasn't her secret to tell, it was Riley's, and for that Riley was grateful. She wasn't sure if she wanted anyone to know just yet, she needed to understand her own situation and her own feelings before letting anyone else in.

The Matthews weren't seen much during that summer, spending most of it in Philadelphia, Riley's parents worked from home or went back to the city if they had to do something important that they couldn't get out of. They all had to heal, but mostly they had to help Riley get back to her center. Her mother worked on getting her into a therapy program, while her father gave her empty journals to fill. She wrote one for each of her friends, they were small little journals, and they would probably never be able to read them, they were too personal. Maya and Lucas's were the longest, and the hardest to write, but she poured everything into them, tears staining the pages as she did so.

They weren't filled with empty promises, only with the truth, the hurt, and the real pain she had felt for the last year of their lives in middle school. Maybe one day they would see them, but it was still too fresh to think about any of it, so she put them in a box Josh had given her and buried them in her suitcase. The last of the journals she wrote about herself, her life, and what she wanted from the future. One was filled with self-doubts, and the itch she sometimes had to grab a blade and cut into her skin. On those days Josh found her hiding in the closet, in her Aunt Morgan's old bedroom where she had been staying. He would give her time, sitting there waiting for her, before helping her downstairs and giving her ice cream for not giving into temptation. Those days were both good and bad, but Josh was making sure that she had a support system in place, so that she would know that if she needed anybody, they were there for her.

"Just remember Riley, that even though everything seems bad, or falling apart, the future will get better, and maybe what comes next will be better than what was left behind," Josh had told her, he was trying, he was still very much a kid himself, but he was trying to help her because to Josh, Riley was more than his niece, she was his first real friend, his little sister, and his confidant, and she knew that he felt guilty for not protecting her enough from all of this.

At the end of the summer, her parents found a program for her to start, with a therapist who would work with Riley through all of her problems. The first step was for her to enter a program for a month, that would keep her away from everyone while she learned more about herself. She would just miss a few weeks of school, and her father's new job at her high school would give him the opportunity for her to keep up with the work.

On their first day back in the city, Riley did something that was harder for her than anything, she took apart the bay window, leaving it bare of anything that was normally there. The pillows and curtains were taken down, leaving nothing but the white cushion and a dark curtain in front of it. At the center, where she normally sat with Maya, she placed her ring, in hopes that Maya would see it and know that Riley was thinking of her. Riley had to be at her therapy program the next day, so once again she couldn't talk to her friends, and for a while she felt a little guilty about it, but she knew that she needed to put herself first and everyone else second. At least for now, while she worked on herself.

Before dinner, with Josh's help, Riley went to a salon and cut her normally long hair, it was going to be the first step towards changing her life. They went to a place close to his dorm and had the stylist braid her hair before cutting it all off. Josh placing it in an envelope, they were going to donate it, while Riley was getting the finishing touches on her new short bob haircut. It made her feel just a little lighter, her parents were surprised by her choice, but they ruffled her hair and it made her laugh. A real laugh and not the fake ones that she had been giving people over the last year.

The next morning Riley was off on her own, away from her family, away from everyone she knew. The month would be hard on her, harder than the notebooks she had written for her friends, harder than Josh finding out, or the fight that he had had with her parents about it. When she got back, she would have therapy sessions twice a week, along with group therapy twice a month, and family therapy once a month. Her mother set it all up mainly because they wanted to make sure that she was doing alright, but they always went out to dinner right after smiling at her progress.

The hardest moment in those first few months happened right before her first day in High School, when her dad pulled her aside and told her that Farkle and Smackle had gone to Einstein Academy, that Maya had asked to be taken out of his class, how Zay had to keep putting himself between Lucas and every aggressive bully in the school. Riley knew they were the ripple effects of what had happened, of what she had done to herself.

"Don't worry about them for now," he told her as she started shaking and blaming herself for causing her friends to pull themselves away from each other. "It's not your fault Riley, remember that, you have to worry about yourself for now, remember what you learned from you therapist."

They did some breathing exercises together, her father making sure that she calmed down enough so that she could sit with them in the living room to watch a movie. It's what they did when she started shaking, just to calm her down, but it was also good for family bonding. They were going to watch Spy Kids, because Auggie hadn't seen it yet and he still wanted to be a super spy. Even though he had told her sorry for not being a good enough spy and helping her, but she had told him at he was too young to truly understand everything, but she still loved him and if he needed to spy on her to train, she would allow it.

That first day back was strange, she didn't have her friends and she didn't recognize anyone, she was truly alone, but for some reason the pressure to fulfill everyone's wishes wasn't there. It was a new start, and while she was sure that it would take a while before she could talk to her friends, when it did happen, she was sure that they would understand that she needed to do it for herself.

She saw Maya a few times, as she walked to class, her best friend was smiling, she was in clubs, it was weird to not be standing next to her, but she always made she to go to all of Maya's performances, her exhibits. Always close enough to see her, but far enough away to give her some space. Riley realized that she wasn't really ready to tell anyone, but it was nice to see Maya being so happy even if it wasn't with her standing beside her.

Zay for some reason she rarely saw, but she could always hear him, she was happy that he was doing so well, but worried when she never heard Lucas with him, they were always together growing up according to the two of them, so it was strange if Lucas wasn't around him for long. But on the off day, when she was walking around, she could see Zay laughing with some other guys, or talking to a girl or two. She wished that she had gotten to know him better before the whole yearbook thing had happened, but it felt like it was too late to have that with him.

It took a three month before the first encounter happened, and it was a surprise that it had happened. After nearly six months without talking to any one of them, she saw Lucas getting into a fist fight with a football player who was taller and bulkier than he was, but Lucas kept pushing the guy and she was afraid that Lucas would get hurt because of it. She pushed her way pass the people crowding around the two guys and grabbed Lucas's arm. Lucas pulled away turning his anger towards her before his eyes widened at the sight of who was standing in front of him. He didn't say a word, but she could see so much emotion in his eyes just from seeing her for the first time.

"Keep an eye on him, next time I won't hold back," the football player said before storming off in the other direction, everyone else not far behind, leaving Lucas standing an arm's length from her. She could tell that he wanted to reach out, but he held back, he had been angry just moments before, and now he looked like he wasn't sure what to do.

"Hey," he said, his voice rough like he had been yelling for too long. This wasn't the same Lucas she remembered from before... well before everything, this Lucas had gone through a lot in the last few months.

"Hi," she said, her voice squeaked as it came out, before reaching out for him, trying to find a way to keep him calm in the same way that her parents, or Josh or her therapist did.

"Hey," he said completing their little ritual, the same one they've been doing since that fateful day on the subway in seventh grade. It felt like everything was going around in circles, meaning that at one point she would once again see all of her friends together again. It was just going to take some time to get there.

She pulled him down the hall, towards a little alcove she had found when she had had a panic attack her second week back. The feeling of too many people, and the visible scars, though always hidden. It felt like she was being judged, but no one really knew her, so it was impossible for them to judge her at all. That's where her father had found her after she had frantically texted him that she couldn't be there, that she had wanted to go home. He had calmed her down and told her that it was alright to feel overwhelmed with everything that had been happening.

"One step at a time Riley," he had said before helping her with her breathing.

Now she was bringing Lucas there, because she hadn't realized just what she had left behind, or how broken the boy she loved look. Hope in his eyes as she held onto him, as if she were a ghost leading him to his end, and that scared her the most. She wasn't the only one who had been broken up about what had happened in the time since Texas, but she wasn't going to tell him about everything, she wasn't ready for that yet. She just wanted him to be okay.

"Where have you been?" he asked once they had been sitting there for twenty minutes without another word, just holding each other's hands. It was comforting, she knew this, just to have someone else there with them when the bad moments happened. "Riley where did you go," his voice rough, as if the flood gates had opened and every emotion, he had been holding in was ready to come rushing out.

Before she could answer he grabbed her and pulled her into his arms, his shoulders shaking as he hugged her close, as if he could lose her if he let go. A string had been cut when she had left, and Lucas had lost so much in that time, she could feel it as he cried on her shoulder. Neither said a word, even as she began to cry in his arms, they needed this moment, it was a moment for them to heal over what had happened.

They left school early that day, Riley taking Lucas with her to her afternoon therapy session, she had sent a message to the doctor's office telling them that she was bringing a guest. It was the first time she was bringing someone to the sessions she did on her own, but she knew that it had to be done this way, so that Lucas would understand all of it. Even though she had written a notebook's worth of confessions to him, she wasn't ready for him to read it.

"Hello Riley," her therapist, who always reminded her of her grandmother in the way she smiled and comforted her, welcomed them to the room. "And who is this young man."

"Marianne, this is Lucas," she answered, smiling back. "Lucas this is Marianne, my therapist."

She hadn't told him where they were headed and when the word therapist came out of her mouth, she saw how his eyes widened, as if somethings were clicking into place.

"It's good to meet you ma'am," he said as his manners showed, which made her smile, this was the Lucas she remembered, not the one who was fighting in the halls of their school not too long ago.

"So, Riley wants you to be here, because she wants you to understand what she's been going through in the last few months," Marianne said as she sat them down. "This is the first time she has brought someone here, so you must be truly special to her if she's willing to tell you these things."

"I don't really know what's been going on with her," he said as they sat down together, "All I know is that I feel like a piece of me has been missing since she left, and for some reason I lash out at everyone."

"Do you want to tell when it all started?"

"The week after she left, I lost control of myself, I couldn't understand why she was gone all of a sudden and everyone I asked just said that she couldn't be there, and I felt responsible because Riley had been very close to all of us, but it felt as if she had just disappeared and I had been fighting with myself over something so stupid," he held his head in his hands as the tears began once again, "Because... because I was put in a position, I had never wanted to be in... but I felt responsible for everything because they all wanted me to make a decision over something, I had never wanted... but so much had happened and I thought I had lost everything."

"It has to do with my best friend," Riley said as understanding dawned on Marianne's face.

"Can you tell me what happened after Riley left, did it make you feel any different towards Riley's friend, or even yourself?"

"I realized that in losing Riley I was losing myself, I tried to do what she wanted, but I couldn't, I just couldn't, I don't know why we even listened to everyone else's opinion, if we had just ignored them it wouldn't have come to me picking between them."

"But what happened after she was gone?" Marianne was trying to get Lucas to tell her what Riley had always wondered, what happened in the months after, during the summer, when she was too far for them to reach. When she was fighting the urge to cut into her skin, her darkest moments, the ones she still fought against.

"I went into my parents' liquor cabinet and took out one of the whiskey bottles that my grandfather usually sends them, but they never drink," he said making Riley turn her head so fast she swore she heard a crack. She wanted to say something to him, anything but she couldn't, she didn't know how to start. "Our other friends came over an hour later and found me with the bottle swaying around… I don't remember a lot, the only thing I remember from that day was wishing that I hadn't let Riley go, that I should have manned up and done what I was going to do, but there had been so much pressure, and then we went to Texas and everything got so messed up."

"I'm sorry," Riley whispered, she knew that she shouldn't be, it had been one of the worse memories that she had carried around.

"No, I'm sorry Riley, I don't know why I had started losing hope during the trip, you wouldn't look at me the same, you kept pushing and pushing, I felt like I was losing myself to who I had been because you anchored me into a new life and then you were gone. That's not the kind of pressure I should have put on you, but I was falling for you and I would have done anything, I would have conquered the world for you and then you left without a word and I realized that trying the way I had been, wasn't what I had wanted when all I wanted was just to stand beside you."

He had turned to her while he had talked, in his eyes she had seen something that she had never seen before, or she hadn't paid enough attention to understand it. He cared for her, more than he cared for anyone else, she just hadn't let him back in after Texas, she had been afraid of letting anyone in at all after Farkle's announcement.

Marianne, talked to both of them about the dangers of drinking, she talked to them about being more open and communicating, but she had also recommended that Lucas would join Riley during one of her weekly sessions. She wanted to help them, but she later on she would also tell Riley that it was because she wanted to be there when Lucas finally learned the truth about what Riley had been going through, because the moment he did he would fall apart. She had seen it before, in couples who couldn't protect each other, and it would take a long time for them to get passed the hurt of what Riley had hidden.

"Riley," she had said before the session had ended. "Do you want to tell Lucas why you left?"

Riley could feel her hands shaking, she knew she didn't have to tell him everything, not yet, she needed to work up to that, but since he shared something about his struggle, she wanted to give him the same courtesy.

"I was… overwhelmed," she started, but she couldn't look him in the eyes just yet. She needed to keep herself together over everything. "I…. I um…. I let everything that everyone said during the yearbooks get to me, and everything that Maya said, and then the bully happened, and I had started to think that maybe I didn't deserve anything good."

"No Riley," he started but she finally took a chance and looked at him.

"I give up so much of myself for everyone else, but I found out that while I can't hide somethings, I'm very good at hiding others. So, I got depressed over all of it, and then…" she started taking deep breaths, the panic rising, the urge to break into her skin. "And… and then when we were in Texas, and the whole thing with Maya, I pushed you guys together because I would give that up too if it meant that someone I cared about would be happy."

She found herself rubbing her arms, Marianne knew it as one of the signs that Riley was pushing herself too hard, and usually she would stop but Riley continued, "I saw you and Maya at the campfire that night."

Lucas's eyes widened at the confession, everyone had thought that she had only found out after they had gotten back, "Riley, nothing really happened."

"I know that, Maya told me what had happened, but that night that wasn't what it had felt like, and I realized just how much I had given up, and how quickly everyone else's thoughts had come to me. I thought that they were all right, that you guys belonged together, but that night seeing it for myself, it hurt so much, and I ran, I ran so far and I cried in the field behind your grandfather's house, because I had lost something and all I could feel was the pain of it."

They were silent after that, Marianne bringing them water and cookies, wanting them to be calm, this was heavy, even for Riley to say out loud. Her parents only knew enough of what had happened, and only Josh knew the whole truth. Now Lucas knew a little bit more than he had when everything had been revealed.

So, they went back every week, together, some weeks Lucas talked about things that he had gone through, he talked about his life before moving to New York, his life in Texas, he talked about the empty feeling he had because Riley wasn't around. She told him about her depression, about how she hid her true feelings, how everything had just hurt, causing panic attacks when she was too overwhelmed. She didn't tell him about the cuts on her skin, those hidden by her sweaters. It was still cold out, so he wouldn't question anything, but she worried about the summer months.

After every session, they would go back to her place, and watch a random action movie, they went through all of the Die-Hard movies after a particularly bad session, because Riley had had a panic attack after talking about how she missed Maya and Farkle. The movies were more about bonding, they were things that they could watch with her dad, or Josh when he was over for dinner. Lucas was always nearby, and for some reason her father was more grateful for it, and she knew that it had to do with the fact that Lucas was in a way anchoring her to the life she had now. He was also one of the reasons she had to live and keep going and she wasn't going to lose that.

They didn't start dating again, not right away, they just hung out and talked, it felt natural to have him in her ear late at night when the nightmares became too much. Or when he felt himself slipping and needed someone to talk to before he got into another fight with some random person at school. They wanted those slow moments, the ones that meant that they could just talk, the moments they had as an unofficial couple. For now, Riley was glad for them, it took the pressure off of the both of them to be something more, and she wasn't sure if she was ready for something more, not when she was still working on putting the pieces back together.

The next piece of the puzzle came weeks after their first therapy session together, after one too many action movies, and more Knicks games than she could count. They were learning each other again, but one person added a little more fun to the mix. That was Zay, who Riley never really got to know during the time when everything for her had been falling to pieces. But it meant a lot for Lucas to have him back, it meant that two parts of his life were being brought together. So, while they didn't share a lot of what they talked about in therapy with Zay, he did join them for movie nights, or bookstore outings, low maintenance things where Riley wouldn't feel too much pressure about what was happening.

For Zay it meant getting reacquainted with his childhood friend, bringing back a little bit of the Lucas that had gone off the deep end right after Riley had left. On one of those days, before Lucas had made it to her house, Zay sat with her in the living room as they waited.

"He was a real mess," he had told Riley about Lucas. "I mean when he was in Texas he was just protecting me, but without you there he fell apart. I've never seen him like that not even when his grandmother had passed away."

She wanted to say that she was sorry, but she knew that she couldn't keep apologizing for trying to get better, so instead she told Zay the truth, he was the second person outside of her family to know. She told him about having to take care of herself for once, about having to step back from her own life just to find a middle ground.

"I understand," he said after she had finished. "I talked to Farkle, I still do, we had been working on Lucas, but we couldn't keep up with his self-destructiveness, but Farkle had mentioned something, and I'm guessing that Lucas doesn't know about it, and sugar it's not my place, and I probably shouldn't know either. Just remember, if you need me, I'll be there for you, for the both of you."

She hadn't known that Farkle had noticed, it felt as if he had run from her the fastest, she hadn't seen since she got back, and now she wasn't sure what he had known before she had left at the end of the middle school. Zay had brought everything back to putting together her friends, they were all as close to family as her own, and she needed them as much as they needed her. Even if they had hurt each other.

It had been nearly a year since Josh had stepped in and helped her, and it had taken that long for Farkle to come back into her life. It had started slowly, with emails, as she told him that she was getting better, but she also told him that she missed him. It would take Farkle two weeks to get the courage to see her again, the summer sun blaring down on them as they sat on the bench that was on the roof. The turning point in her life had been on that roof, so it was fitting that something would be mended there as well.

"I saw one of those cuts, and I hated myself for not noticing," he had said after they had sat there for over two hours without talking. "You wear long sleeves even now in this heat, and I hate myself even more because I hadn't noticed how hurt you were."

"I had gotten really good at hiding things Farkle," she told him, her voice a little rough as she held back tears.

"Yes you did, and I wish you hadn't had to live through it at all, but in the end I ran because I didn't know what to do, I ran because honestly while I act brave, I think I'm a coward, I couldn't handle it, I just wanted you to be that same smiling happy girl I grew up with, the one I wanted to be with as one of my wives, the one I see as a sister, but that girl is gone, and there was nothing we could have done to stop that."

"There was a lot of things happening at the time Farkle, it was out of your control, hell it was out of my control, I think that sometimes we need to fully break before we can piece ourselves back together, and even then, the cracks will always be there."

"There had been too many cracks in the foundation, and I think when everything came to a head, it was meant to happen that way."

Neither said anything after that, as they watched the sun caress the buildings, turning everything into an orange glow. It was summer, the second since all of this had happened. A year since the last time she cut into her skin, the feeling still there, itching to reach for a blade, but she had people who kept her from doing so, a support system for when it became too much to think about.

"What about Maya?" he had said once night had finally taken over.

And there it was the elephant in the room, what would she do about her best friend, the one person who didn't know a thing. She wasn't ready for that just yet, and it hurt, not only because she was hurting Maya, but because she wasn't sure how she would be able to mend everything that had broken if Maya wouldn't speak to her again. Each of them held a piece to her heart, the one that had shattered completely, Maya and Lucas had bigger parts in there, but it was the fact that Maya played along with everything. The fact that Maya became a bigger part of a story that was supposed to be Riley's, they were only supposed to be there and help when things got too bad, or to talk about the good. That's what friends were for. But what happened with Maya, with the school, with Lucas especially, was still a big part of what had caused her to fall so far off the edge she wasn't sure if she could deal with Maya rejecting her.

"I'm going to wait, I need to wait until she's ready to hear about it, until I'm ready to tell her about it," she said more to herself than to Farkle. Therapy was still an uphill battle for her, so she needed to wait for the moment where she was on level with herself, until she had pieced enough of herself back together for everything to feel somewhat normal again and not this emotional seesaw she lived on. "It may sound selfish of me, but it's also because every time I see her, she looks so happy, and I don't want to take that away from her."

"I understand, maybe you and I can talk more, so that we can find our own balance," he said and all she could do was hug him.

"I would really like that," she said finally letting the tears fall.

Lucas was there for her right after her conversation with Farkle, making sure that she was alright, and that nothing had triggered an episode. He put on the Mummy movie from the 90s' and they added it to the list of movies that they had been watching. Farkle and Zay staying with them while they watched, laughing at the funny moments, and joking about effects and other things with them.

Everything was falling into place for her recovery, she spent the summer with her Uncle Josh and Lucas alternating between going to Philly, or staying in the city. She talked to Farkle regularly, even when Farkle was still too ashamed about his reaction to what had happened. Smackle hadn't known about what had happened even started coming around. All that was missing was Maya, but it was still hard for her to find a way to talk to her best friend. So much had been hidden from her, but a lot of it had also been partly caused by what had happened in Texas, and Riley was mostly afraid that if she told Maya everything that it would end their friendship.

There were weeks where she would see the blonde rushing around, or working on something for one of the clubs she was in, and all Riley could do was pace back and forth trying to find the courage to talk to her. Someone she had had no problem talking to in the past, at least before peer pressure, bullies, and even boys came into the picture. Now it was just difficult to even think about everything that had gotten in between them. Eighteen months had passed, and while she knew she was better than she had been in middle school, it was still an uphill battle, but she wanted her best friend there with her.

It was on her birthday when she pushed herself to go and see Maya, she had heard that the school was putting on a play, Romeo and Juliet of all things, and Maya had been in charge of the sets. This made Riley so proud of her best friend, she was good at some many things, and Riley wanted to support her, but she also missed her. Lucas had been trying to push her into finding a way to talk to Maya, he himself still feeling guilty over everything that had happened. It was something they talked about in therapy, and while he still didn't know about the cuts on her arms, he was still working on them, on himself, and just being better.

So, on her birthday, she stood outside the school's auditorium and paced relentlessly, trying to gather the courage to go and see Maya. Wondering how the blonde would react to seeing her face to face for the first time in eighteen months. Just when she reached for the door, paramedics rushed in, and Riley was so scared about what was happening she rushed in after them, only to see Maya on the ground and a part of the set down next to her. Riley felt herself freeze, as if she had been the one to cause the accident just by waiting, that if she had just stepped in earlier this wouldn't have happened to Maya. It caused her to have a panic attack, rushing off towards her the little alcove the she had shown Lucas the year before. She tried to breathe but it had felt like everything was going out and nothing was going in.

That's how Lucas had found her, he worked with Marianne enough when it came to Riley, that he knew what to do when she had an attack. Slowly calming her down, making sure to tell her that it wasn't her fault, he had known what had happened to Maya, he had known about the accident, but for Riley she had still felt guilty about it. Lucas had taken her home on his back, she had passed out on the way too worried about Maya, scared that she had lost her chance to reconcile with her best friend.

When she had woken up, she texted Farkle to tell him what had happened, also telling him that the timing hadn't been right to talk to Maya and the genius had said that he would go and see the blonde once visiting hours started, telling Riley to take it easy. Farkle knew her triggers as much as Lucas did, because while she didn't talk to him as much, he was still one of her closest friends. He had been watching her more closely since they started talking again, because he didn't want to miss the signs. Farkle had told her, a month after they had started talking again, that he had been studying psychology, and a million other things just so he could be there when she needed him. She had told him that all she needed were her friends, she already had a therapist.

It wasn't until days later, when she had heard her mother and Maya walking up the stairs, and the conversation that followed meant that they could try to get to where they had been, it was just going to take time, like everything else in Riley's life since she had started down this journey. Maya had started coming over more, it was still kind of awkward with them, but after the third visit, the two of them worked on putting the bay window back together. Everything started and ended at that window, and they wanted it there for what would come next in their lives.

For Maya, Riley had realized, missing so much of what had happened caused her more pain than anything. The two of them had to work through a lot of what had happened, having a group therapy session together once a month with all of their friends. It was after one of these sessions, where it had come out to Lucas that Riley had been cutting herself, he had been the only one who hadn't known, and the first thing he had done was walk out of the room and punched a wall breaking two of his fingers and spraining his wrist.

"I blame myself for all of this," she heard him say to Farkle as the doctor wrapped his hand. "I shouldn't have listened to her back in Texas, I shouldn't have done anything with Maya, I should have just gotten up and followed her right after she said what she said."

"Lucas," Farkle started but she knew that Lucas had cut him off.

"I don't want to lose her," Lucas's voice breaking as he said it. "I was in so much pain during that time, the only ray of hope I had was when you told us the truth, but she kept pushing Maya at me, and no matter what all I could think was that I don't want them to stop being friends because of me, but while all of this was happening... while... oh god, Farkle she could have died and I don't know what I would have done if she had."

She could hear Lucas crying, and it took everything she had to not rush in there and apologize for everything, but she knew that being sorry for something isn't the same as getting pass that same thing. The time for sorrys had passed, they had talked about so much regarding everything else, and Marianne had told the both of them that saying sorry wasn't going to change the past, it was the way they moved ahead that would matter the most. So, she waited until the doctor left to get his discharge papers, Farkle behind him, because she wanted to talk to him without anyone else around.

What she saw when she walked in was a broken look in Lucas's eyes, like he had failed at protecting what was most precious. They were teenagers, they shouldn't have these feelings, but they existed, and she wanted to let him know that she was better, she wasn't whole, but him being there, all of them made it all better. Instead she sat down next to his uninjured side and took his hand in hers, putting her head on his shoulder. It had become a form of communication for them, for the moments when one of them was close to breaking, for them to just comfort the other until they were ready to move forward and talk.

Lucas's parents got him out of the hospital, they asked the questions of why it had happened, even though Marianne had been the one to call them. But they wanted Lucas to tell him, but he only said that it wasn't his story to tell, he had just reacted badly to the news. They knew he was working on himself, they commended him constantly for working hard, he volunteered with Riley, he joined the baseball and the basketball teams, Riley always cheering him on in the stands. She wrote when he was at practice, finding the words on the page soothing, most of the journals filled and put in a box in her closet, the box filled to the brim, but she kept writing.

Somehow it became that they anchored one another to the rest of the world, and at first, she had thought that it was unhealthy for how much she relied on him, but Marianne told her not to worry. They had a support system, they had friends and family who cared, and most of all they had each other. She had asked Riley once, during the now rare sessions she had alone with her therapist, why it was that she hadn't moved into an official relationship just yet with Lucas, and Riley answered that they were waiting for the right moment. No pressure from others, just when they were finally comfortable being together without everyone hounding them over certain aspects of their relationship.

Now as she sat with him, hours later, they still hadn't said a word to one another, but he had calmed down, and held her hand close to his heart. "Please don't do anything like that," he whispered, tears in his eyes. "I can't lose you, so please." he didn't finish as his chest started shaking and his heart began to race.

Riley sat in his lap, something she hadn't done in a very long time, and held his head close to her heart, "As long as this keeps beating, and you guys all keep me centered, I think I can keep going." and she knew she could, because she had people who cared for her, and made sure that she was happy, and on days when she was fighting with herself, they were always there to bring her back and help her.

They didn't move from that position, not even when Zay came in telling them dinner was ready, they stayed like that. It wasn't until hours later, after they had both fallen asleep in each other's arms, that someone had moved them so that they would be laying down. Riley woke up when her father tried to move her to her own bed, but she was too big for him to carry anymore. Her friends long gone, and Lucas still passed out cold on the couch, her mother covering him with a blanket.

"You two can talk in the morning," she said before ushering Riley to her room, while her father rubbed his back.

"I'm too old to carry my own daughter to her room," he said as they walked to their own room, which made Riley laugh. It felt good to laugh about something, because it meant that there were things in this world that would keep her spirits up.

Riley had woken up the next morning, at crack of dawn, as Maya snuck in through the window, something that she hadn't done even in the time they've been speaking again. She jumped on the bed, making Riley bounce up, before landing on top of her. Slowly everything was falling back to where it had once been, it was a strange feeling to have some kind of normalcy after everything else that had happened. Somehow the only two that still were broken in some way were Riley and Lucas, but she was working on herself in the same way he was working on himself.

"So, you fell asleep on Ranger Rick yesterday," Maya said, calling Lucas a name for the first time since they all came back together. For some reason the name calling would have hurt more if the triangle had still been going on, but it didn't hurt anymore.

"We were just comforting each other, it's not the first time it happened," she answered blushing a little, "Well actually me on his lap hasn't happened in a while but usually I'm just leaning on him or he has his head on my lap."

"Riles, honey, you and Lucas are dating if this is a normal thing, hell the way he looks at you most of the time it's like he's so proud of you for getting better... um well until yesterday," Maya said reminding Riley of what had happened. "You broke him a little, but he'll probably go back to looking at you like you hung the moon just for him in a day or so."

"Oh please, we promised each other just unofficial things, we want to take it slow," she said trying not to think of all of the time they usually spent together. "We don't even go on dates."

"Sweetie, pay attention to me," Maya said grabbing Riley's face. "This may hurt a little to say, but that boy never looked at me that way, not in the short amount of time that I tried to get his attention. But in the last few weeks I've been watching you both, and honey I hate to say it like this, but you two love each other like something fierce."

Riley could feel her face heat up just from listening to Maya say those things, she knew that she loved Lucas, but she wasn't sure just how deep it all was. Usually she would panic if someone would have said something like that to her, she was afraid of going too fast too soon, but it wasn't too fast, it had been building up for the last year. Marianne always made sure that they talked to one another, but love had never been on the table.

"Are you sure about that?" Riley asked, she needed to know, or at least hear it again to gage her own reaction.

"I'm positive," Maya said before letting go of Riley's face. "Hon, I think it's time for you guys to become official, I mean the guy broke his own hand because he was afraid that he didn't protect you enough from the bad things. He cares, hell I've seen him make sure you have a hat and scarf in your locker, and when you're not paying too much attention to your surroundings he makes sure that you don't trip on something or walk into someone. But this one thing that you kept from him shattered him so quickly that he had needed to react."

"Texas Lucas," Riley said looking down at the scars on her arms. Maya looked down too, it had been the first time that Riley had had a short sleeve shirt on in a long time, and she could see Maya's own reaction to seeing Riley's scars for the first time. "Lucas was getting into fights when I had gotten back, fights with football players who could probably kill him with their fists, I sometimes wonder if he's alright the way he reverted back to that part of himself, but now he's better."

Without thinking Riley had started scratching at her arms, it was something she did when she wanted to feel something, when she wanted to cut into her skin. Maya grabbed her hands and held them still.

"It's not your fault Riles, it's mine and it's probably the fault of our classmates, Lucas too, it's probably why he started lashing out, that summer I hadn't seen anyone, I should have known something was wrong but I was too caught in my own head to put two and two together, and lately I hate myself for it, but you keep telling me that the past is the past, and it's the same for Lucas, he's not fighting anymore, he should probably buy a punching bag because hitting walls is going to end up costing him his fingers, but we're all getting better at this, it's just going to take some time for it to be like it used to be."

"That's the thing, it's never going to be like it was, I know this Maya, I just want for everyone to be happy again, I just want to be happy all of the time, but the urges come and go, I can't deal with people too well anymore, it's like I've lost a part of myself and it's never coming back."

Maya pulled her into a hug running her hands up and down Riley's back, "I know, but maybe what comes next will be better than what we left behind."

Someone had said the same thing to Riley a long time ago, it had been Josh, during that first summer in Philly, the one where she was just trying to find her footing in a world where she broke down easily, they weren't the same words, but it had the same meaning, and Riley knew that everything would be better again. It might not happen overnight, but it would happen eventually.

"You've got room for another person?" Lucas's voice came from the door. Riley nodded at him, his hand wrapped up so tight in bandages, it was a version of his guilt there, and she hoped that it wouldn't ruin his place on the school teams he was on.

Riley watched him as he looked down and saw the scars on her arms, she felt weirdly self-conscience about having them out on display, but she couldn't hide them anymore. They were real, and hiding them also meant hiding what had happened, and she knew that if she wanted to move forward, she could keep herself hidden away anymore.

"I'll just let you two kids talk," Maya said smiling at them before leaving the room, most likely to get something to eat or drink while they talked.

Lucas sat at the edge of her bed, close enough to touch her hands but far enough away that if her father walked in, he wouldn't freak out, because while he had been okay with her and Lucas being together, he had still drawn some lines on somethings. Lucas rubbed his hand along the scar closest to her wrist, the one that Josh had seen that pushed him to do something, the one that had been too deep and hadn't healed right, it had an ugly scar and it had been the one she was the most ashamed of.

"I'm sorry," he said before lifting her arm and kissing the scar as if it would make it go away. His body trembling as he fell forward onto her hands.

"Lucas," she whispered, pulling him up so that she could see his beautiful eyes, "Don't say sorry, it's not your fault, it's mine, and I've already admitted that much to myself, I had just wanted to stop feeling like my heart had been breaking every day, one pain for another, but it wasn't the best decision in the end, and even though I still get the urge, you've made it possible to not do it at all. You've given me hope when I felt like there had been none left, even after the summer in Philly, after therapy, after everything, I hadn't had any hope for anything, until that day I stopped you from fighting that football player, because after that you went to therapy with me, you shared your insecurities, you started working on making yourself better which helped me because I had someone with me who not only wanted to help me, but you wanted to help yourself as well. To me that shows that you wanted to be better and stronger, not by fighting others but by fighting the hardest parts of your past and who you are."

Taking a deep breath, after saying her little speech she touched his face with her hand, and smiled, "You make me want to keep on living Lucas Friar and for that I love you."

He sucked in a breath, looking at her with a hopeful look on his face, "You make me want to be a better person Riley," he said smiling. "You are the one who has given me hope, and if I'm so lucky that I get to spend my life with you I will always tell you how much you mean to me, to your family, to everyone who you've touched with the part of you that makes you who you are. You're the strongest person I know Riley, and it's one of the reasons I love you too. I could tell you a million reason why you're a great person Riley, but all that matters is that you're a beautiful, kind human being, and I regret the day I let you tell me that you saw me as a brother, because none of this would have happened."

Riley blushed, trying to find something to do with her hands, she didn't always feel the way he was describing her, it was strange, but she also felt guilty for everything that had happened, but before she could say anything Lucas kissed her hand.

"I'm not going to let you second guess yourself Riles, not today, if I have to send you daily reassurances for the rest of my life I will," he smiled at her, she knew he wanted to get closer, but he kept his distance, they were already on a thin rope with him being in her room while she was still in bed. Her parents had allowed a lot of things since all of this had started but when it came to Lucas they still set some ground rules, the small distance between them was one. "You're special, not just to me but to everyone around you, and while I hate myself for letting you go through all of this, I want you to look at these scars as reminders that you're still living, that you can survive this, that you can be happy, even after all of the sorrow you've gone through."

Riley didn't think after that, she just grabbed his face and kissed him, it felt soft against the roughness of his morning stubble. He hadn't shaved, and it was oddly comforting to her, because this was the Lucas that woke up in the mornings, the one she hadn't really seen. But it felt like coming home. Lucas's hands found their way to her face, the bandage covered fingers sweeping her unruly bedhead from her face as he tried to get close without being too close. Riley couldn't help but laugh, they were kissing but they were so far from one another, they were both still very afraid of her father walking in, and it was oddly normal, it was like it had been before, except they were just a little bit older. Lucas started laughing with her, as if he realized that something had lifted between them, a weight that had been pushing them down even now

"I did not expect that," Maya said from the door causing the two of them to separate. "You know usually people don't start laughing when they kiss one another."

"Yeah but, it just feels so normal," Riley said smiling at Lucas. "This is the first time were it just feels like it had once been."

"Yeah well it's going to be even more like that in a minute cause your sleepyhead dad went downstairs for coffee and I'm pretty sure that he hasn't realized that Lucas isn't asleep on the couch."

The minute Maya had mentioned her father, they heard a scream come from the living room, before there was a stomping noise. Lucas quickly got off the bed, sitting at the bay window as if he hadn't just kissed Riley. Maya jumped on the bed, situating herself next to Riley while Riley tried to find a way to hide the fact that she knew she was blushing. When her father burst in through the door and saw the way they were all sitting he calmed down, taking deep breaths.

"Riley, there's rules," he said looking over at Lucas. It almost made her burst out laughing, because it was the first time in nearly two years where people weren't walking on eggshells around her, it was the most normal feeling that she has felt since everything had fallen apart. That was how she knew she was going to be fine, because as long as she had her friends and her family, she would have someone to help her if she needed it.

"We were just talking I swear," she said to him, giving him her best puppy eyes.

"Fine, it's too early to deal with this without coffee, but when I'm fully awake we're going to have words Lucas, words I tell you," he said before slowly walking out of her room, leaving the door wide open.

They all started laughing the moment he had walked out, it was nice to have something normal for a change. It felt like a warmth had washed over her, and the world was telling her that everything would be fine.


End file.
